time flies.
*kicks time to the curb*

                        In October, the large psychic-hotline company, Access Resource
                       Services of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., promised in a settlement with the
                       state attorney general not to engage in fraudulent practices. One
                       provision of the settlement absolutely forbids the company to hire
                       bogus counselors, but contains the exception allowing telephone
                       psychics to be hired if they swear in writing that they can read
                       people's minds.

thats just insane.

goto  www.flutypook.com if you feel like it.

ninws: I'm reading your page right now...I think you are the only person in the world i have met that writes in your fashion and i love it and it amuses me and i dont care what anyone says you will be the last man standing
GaijinSenshi: we shall see
ninws: i already have
niknws: you may be a ninja but i am without time constraints i have seen it already

hmmm... not sure what to say about that...

i'm not sure what to say about this either:
                       Among the latest Muslim "fatwas" (religious rulings): Men and women
                       must use separate checkout counters in supermarkets (Malaysia, April).
                       Husbands may hit their wives "gently," "as a warning," but must take
                       care not to hit them in the face (Turkey, July). Having a spouse who
                       smokes is a legitimate ground for divorce (Egypt, July). No shopping at
                       a discount store (Egypt, June). Women caught working for
                       British-funded aid organizations will be kidnapped and forcibly married,
                       in order to keep them at home (Pakistan, August). And an October
                       fatwa by the Egyptian Islamic Group instructed disciples to "kill Jews
                       wherever they are found."


 click here <-nothing of revelance
 click here  a different new conversation page.

a lot of cool stuff worth mentioning has happened, but, i can't get the effort to write it down right now..
on the plus side,  Master technician Josh has built for us a new message board, i can be found  Here
the old one, for reference is still here >>>> Message Board

 do not slap that hoe (a story about ghandi) just cause i wrote it doesnt mean you should read it.

9.16.00(actually during the day)
here's a story for my dad, and why he isn't afraid of the devil:

                         Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man,
                         who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
                         God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a
                         Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I
                         The man says, "Yep, sure do."
                         Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
                         The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
                         Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
                         "Well, ' was married to your sister for 3 years."

9.16.00(early morning (12AM) edition)
i dunno what you all will think about this
but check out what i found:

                       Already, doctors at a Veterans Administration hospital believe they have trained
                       a patient whose ability to communicate was shut down by a brain-stem
                       trauma; after an implant, he can order a cursor around merely by
                       thinking of where he wants it to go.

now, this means to me, that they hooked up some guys brain with some wires and stuff, and he can control things DIRECTLY WITH HIS BRAIN.  Jesus christ.. man.  Give these people 10 years, and human bodies won;t be nessessary, they can just put our brain in a mechanical body.  Well, maybe not that soon, but heck, people who have lost arms and stuff will be able to get fully functional replacements.  Sorry this isn';t coherent, i'm tired.

now that i'm a christian, i DO see the truth in the statement "god put dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith"

oh wait.

9.13.00(more awake then before addition)

OK 3 hours later, after having been through school i'm home, and more awake :)
finally the government has shown some insight:
                        According to an April Seattle Times report, the Great Ape Legal
                       Project, headed by a Seattle lawyer, is moving toward a goal of
                      demonstrating, within the next decade, that chimpanzees should have
                       some of the same legal rights as humans (beyond being mere property,
                       according to the Times, "to [becoming] people with rights to life and
                       liberty and perhaps even the pursuit of happiness"). Though it would be
                       possible for a chimp to sue his guardian, a reassuring spokesperson said
                       animals such as cockroaches and ants "will never be eligible for any
                       kind of rights."

9.13.00(just woke up pointless addition)*
*i update often without premeditation, so it's usually random and pointless, sorrrry

I woke up and decided to put on the beatles, so i turned on the computer and tried to play it through winamp.  Winamp has a feature which reads the cd and downloads automatically what is on the cd.  Instead of it coming up "Abbey Road" it came up "Devil Doll - Sacriledge of fatal arms" why? who knows..  so i looked for it on napster and found nothing, so i went to netscape..all i got was this ubscure review about them:

Devil Doll [Italy/Slovenia]

The Girl Who Was Death (88), Eliogabalus (90), Sacrilegium (92), Sacriledge of Fatal Arms (92, re-make of
Sacreligium), Dies Irae (96?)

Devil Doll are an Italian band who sound nothing like the archetypal Italian progressive music at all. No fusion or lush
symphonics here! What they offer is a very unique blend of gothic imagery and Victorian "Jekyll and Hyde" ambience, spun
over a collage of piano, tortured vocals, sinister accordion folk music interludes, choirs, violin and waltz themes. The dynamics
of the music is outstanding and never clumsy ... it moves between diverse elements with skill and power. The vocals may not be
to the liking of some as there is a lot of them and they are more whispered/screamed than sung, in general. They fit the music
perfectly though. The Girl Who Was ... Death is a conceptual work based on the cult UK series "The Prisoner" and takes it's
name from one of the episodes. It demonstrates the maturity to come and has a little more (but not much) in the way of powerful
rock sections. Mr Doctor also deigns to sing normally occasionally! Lots of accordion, violin and harp. A rock opera? Both
Eliogabalus and Sacreligium are excellent works of extended progressive gothic "opera," for want of a better term. Highly
metaphorical story-telling is important to the band's approach ... for example, Sacreligium tells the story of a man in his grave
looking back over his life, complete with the closing of the funeral as a bonus after the music has finished! Devil Doll excel at
creating atmosphere with very sparse instrumentation ... Mr Doctor, the enigmatic and unidentified band leader, employs his
idiosyncratic vocal style to add to this. It may sound peculiar but I can hear a Marillion influence. I know that sounds strange
given the description above but Marillion hinted at this sort of style on their early albums but never pulled it off explicitly or in
such a grandiose and effective manner. Don't get the wrong idea though ... Devil Doll are not what you'd call a neo-prog band
at all. I'd wholeheartedly endorse the view that Devil Doll are amongst the world's finest progressive acts of the '90s.

[See Mr. Doctor; Several of the members of Devil Doll, including Mr. Doctor and the entire Devil Chorus are native to
Slovenia (formerly part of Yugoslavia)]

I stopped reading at "gothic" but anyways, this pointless, i just woke up, ok?

If i had a particle accelerator that could fit humans, i would put you in and watch you die slowly.. except you'd be watching me die slowly, so, it's ultimately pointless, just like this entire update!! <hands himself a cigar>

To: "michael" <michael_____7@hotmail.com>
Re: hi
sounds like a party, where do i sign up?

>From: "michael" <michael_____7@hotmail.com>
>To: <Jaevin@adunai.iwarp.com>
>Subject: hi
>Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2000 12:58:50 -0700
>Hi, I saw what you wrote in the aol aim atheist group and would like to see if you could consider the following:
>"Soul Death" is when a mortal makes the final decision to deny God fully and it is verified and confirmed by the powers on high. The mortal then becomes "the living dead" (soul death). This condition is final. The mortal continues to live, however, with a dead soul. The destiny of the dead soul when physical death takes place is the netherworld, the world of the dead, also known as Hell. It is an eternal experience.
>Take care,

The Trouble With Tofu: Soy and the Brain
          "Tofu Shrinks Brain!" Not a science fiction scenario, this sobering soybean revelation is
          for real. But how did the "poster bean" of the '90s go wrong? Apparently, in many ways
          none of which bode well for the brain.

i know those links for the songs don't work, the file sizes are too big to upload.  I'll have to convert them to a lower bitrate, sorry.
you can e-mail me and i can send them that way, or IM me "Gaijin Senshi"

I updated spacemadness.

9.06.00Who wants to live forever?
I kinda do.
Anyways, i have some things fer you kids
(i'm guessing yer gonna have to right click and go to save as to dl these files)
these are pretty much my first real attempts on this program, maybe i'll get better :)
 Luna & Jaevin - What you seek you.mp3
 Jaevin - Vulcan Insanity
also, if anyone has my blues mp3, e-mail me, cause i lost my only copy...
anyways, enjoy!

i have to go to school, there may be more later.
<lowers face plate, draws katana>

well, i have a college e-mail address now
it is:  edrewes0@sm.saddleback.cc.ca.us
sm doesn't mean sadomasocism, it means STUDENT MAIL.

books are expensive, i am broke :(
send me money:
eric's college funding
27101 Ayamonte
mission viejo, ca 92692

ok, here's something stupid you can think about in regards to me
when i first got my job and had a lot of money, i bought a sega dreamcast because i hadn't had a game machine in a long time, and i thought it might be fun to try it out
it plus the games and extra controllers and all that jazzy shi..stuff cost me about 450 dollars
then i purchased an import chip from japan, and some japanese games, installed the chip myself (i know about electric stuff and cirtuit boards) and played for about an hour, and then put the entire thing away for about 6 monthes
because, alas, it wasn't as much fun as i hoped
600 dollars later, i had a bunch of useless clutter
well yesterday, i remembered i had it and thought i would try it out and get a new game i had seen for 15 dollars (cheap!)
so i got the game
and low and behold! it was fun! i was enjoying myself, i felt a little bit less of a chump for having wasted all that money on nothing
so i was playing, and my stepdad was fucking with the electricity for the house, and he made a power spike, and it fried my game
the system is now dead
but i still have all the other stupid parts to it
like a retard, i've decided i should buy a new one so it doesn't all go to waste
and now i'm broke
the end

"I just thought it'd be good to show you how we can all be guilty of the same things and not know it. "
a lesson we could all stand to learn, eh?
<raises pipe..(what could it be filled with????)>

I was dead, but now i'm undead.
must find the new ways of my new kind..
gotta see whats going on..
stupid humanity, good riddance.

I am only human.
i was reading a poem by charles bukowski, and he was talking about a girl he lived with, and she would always watch out for him, becuase he was always a mess, she would get mad at him for pissing on the ground next to the toilet, for not using deoderant, for forgetting to wipe..
at the end he says "when she first met me, she told me i was her sage, and i said 'i'm no sage' and now i guess we know the truth"
it goes to the taoist idea
that the young and the weak are flexible and adaptable, but as they grow older and stronger, they become rigid and break easily.
it goes with the idea that waves grow and grow, and at their apex, they crash.
actually, it doesn't.
maybe it does..

what can i do?
I need to sink below.
my skin feels too old..
i am too vulnerable.
or maybe not enough...

is apex even a word?

of course, everyone i'm explaining this to knows it already anyways..
i guess i'm senile

i hate a lot of things. i hate sitting around waiting for things to happen.  i hate losing things and not being able to find them.  I hate not being able to express myself in the ways that i want to.  I hate being restricted by other's judgements of my actions/words.  I hate caring about those judgements.  i hate being angry.  i hate when things fall apart due to miscommunication.  i hate forgetting important things.  i hate being hungry.  i hate being tired.  i hate waking up early.  i hate feeling lonely.  i hate being frusterated by things i know i can do but keep messing up. i hate stupid television shows.  i hate waiting for something then missing it.  i hate thinking i got a good deal, then finding out i got ripped off.  i hate lying to people for foolish reasons, then being unable to redeam myself.  i hate having to care.  i hate not caring.  i hate...
i dunno, it's not all that bad.
sorry, that is a joke.
even just to humor me.

i lost a bet at pool, i am good at pool, but apparently not when i am betting against people of the opposite gender.  in my bet (the one i lost) the loser had to give a LAP DANCE to the winner.  fortunately, nicole decided to instead have me visit her at college (2 hours away) i'm confused, becuase it was her idea, but i take what i can get.  Anyways, i get to not do it, but part of the deal is, i have to put that i lost on my webpage.

do or not do, there is no try...

so just do it.

i'm going to magic mountain tomarrow, i'm sure there will be long lines and rude people, after a long drive up there.  it should be fun though, magic mountain has good roller coasters and i havent been on one in a long time.

everyone should go to  www.cybertown.com its a multi-user virtual reality engine, where you use your browser to manuever about the world.  Alan, Josh, me and Nicole have houses in the mythology section under "aztec"
why do we live there?
i don't know.
Me and alan have jobs as club assistance.  we got them our first day to earn virtual money for our virtual houses, but we haven't seen our bosses since then, so i think it's basically free virtua money.. i guess that is pointless.  I am just trying to write things here so my page is not sparce.  leave me alone, ok?

Evil livE


whatever you do, don't click  here

hey hey, i found something new and interesting: www.crazygrandpa.com

click  hereif you really really want to..

I'm sorry nicole! i will take you to the mall tomarrow. :) if you want.

                              1992 -- In Bloomfield, N.M., in April, Laura
                              Thorpe, 39, who said she was frustrated
                              dealing with physicians about her breast implants, removed
                              them by herself, using a disposable razor on one breast and
                              squeezing until most of the silicone gel came out. She then
                              passed out but came to several hours later and completed the
                              same procedure on the other breast. The next day, a
                              physician removed the bags. Thorpe said her regular doctor
                              told her she had done a good job.

ni·hil·ism (n-lzm, n-)    n.
5.Psychiatry. A delusion, experienced in some mental disorders, that the world or one's
mind, body, or self does not exist.

my fish are mysteriously disapeering.. how odd.

check out this link:  click here  if you want

Post on the message board!

                              1994 -- Jose Chavez, 24, on how he
                              ascertained that a skull he had found in a
                              garbage can in Lennox, Calif., in May, was human: "I bit it on
                              the neck to make sure it was real. That's how you test things."


Yeahh!!!! Go!

 GaijinSenshi: hoi
PeZ GrRrLy: ok
GaijinSenshi: i want to eat candy out of your hinged head
PeZ GrRrLy: what the hell?
GaijinSenshi: i want to push your head up and eat the delicious candy that comes out
PeZ GrRrLy: uhh go away
GaijinSenshi: 'pez" get it..
GaijinSenshi: christ.

                              1997 -- Derrick L. Richardson, 28, was
                              charged in April in Minneapolis with
                              third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Ken E.
                              Richardson. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of
                              Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol to Ken's head
                              instead of a revolver. (For the gun-unschooled: There is much
                              less mystery to the game if played with a semiautomatic, in
                              which the one bullet automatically goes to the firing chamber.)

hehe,, i have school tomarrow.

Look, i wrote a story:  Time to Die  it's all about spock's revenge

                              1995 --  In February,
                              William Williams, 34, and Robert Williams, 32,
                              were arrested in Des Moines, Iowa, and charged with breaking
                              into a change machine and a detergent machine at a
                              Laundromat. An eyewitness to the crime assisted police, even
                              though the men allegedly had thought they could buy her
                              silence by giving her several small packages of detergent from
                              the machine.

despite this being the first day of this site being up in 2 monthes, i don't have a major update. sorry.
I start school monday, i'm taking a writing class where i just e-mail the professor, thats kinda neat, and also i'm taking german, which i think is somewhat appropriate.  One of the other classes i'm taking is called "God Clocks and Visionaries" which means all sorts of interesting stuff, i'd guess, if i were inclined to do so.  ..........

    "what do you know of love?  all you do is hurt and destroy!" she said.
    "You think that i hate life because i love war? he replied, lifting the visor of his helm. "you couldn't be more wrong."
    "I love people, i love mankind.   War is the ultimate expression of the human experience, the true symphony of existance."
He paused.
    "In war, all bets are off, and the truth of a person's character is revealed.  Strength and courage is put to the test, humility is swept aside.  In our everyday lives, we hide our victories and personal triumphs behind a visade of humbleness, but in war, they are celebrated as they should be, there is no shame in being good at what you do.  The thrill of triumph, the pain and sorrow of loss, the vileness of betrayal are all revealed in their most powerful, most realistic form.  In war, everything that is done is done with meaning, because there are no second chances, and there is holding back.  Battle is the ultimate and absolute test of life and death!  Do you dent the passion and rage of warfare, the regret of losses on your side, and the weakness in compassion that causes soldiers to cry at night for the people they have killed?  War is not about hate, not with me, it is instead the ultimate expression of love"  the great soldier lowered his visor and left the prisoner alone in her room with her thoughts.

AllSubC: so your an anarchist also, eh?
Jaevinfdm: heh
Jaevinfdm: yeah
Jaevinfdm: but it won't work
AllSubC: are you think kind that goes and bashes in windows or that rallys for it peacefully
AllSubC: well it would work and did for a while, for the jewish about 4,000 years ago
Jaevinfdm: i act according to my own beliefs
AllSubC: see the key is, is that everyone in society has to have the same morals
AllSubC: ahhh i see
Jaevinfdm: and i only fight if other's try to stop me from doing so
AllSubC: so whats your purpose in life?
AllSubC: do you have one?
Jaevinfdm: folllow the true path and hopefully achieve enlightenment
Jaevinfdm: help who i can along the way
Jaevinfdm: love as much as i can
Jaevinfdm: express my thoughts and feelings to the world through art
Jaevinfdm: that is my purpose
AllSubC: ahhh
AllSubC: impressive for someone who doubts that he exists
AllSubC: :-)
Jaevinfdm: :D

second update

"someone who would kick a man when he's down has got to be the lowest piece of s--- that ever crawled out from under a rock to plauge mankind with it's loathesome egsistance." - James

I forgot.
to withdrawl is to turtle yourself in, you get trapped, you DIE OF STARVATION..
to attack all is to destroy friend and foe alike
only one solution:
out right nihilistic balistics!!!
sorry, jameson, my dear old comrade, if you want to be a mother fucker, as you apparently do, i'll show you the meaning of the phrase "savage pummeling" however, i assume (erm.. assumption = mother of all fuck ups) that this, like most other things can be summed up with this:
and i quote:

"all conflict can be traced back to simple miscommunication."

james, don't let things go down  like this..
i mean, come on

 chill out.
ok, sorry
it's ok

so hey brad, fuck off, you don't even know.................................

"I am no paladin" he said, sheathing his blade and laying it on the ground.
What had gone wrong?
His intentions were always good.
But the beast as always had it's own agenda, with no care for right and wrong, life and death, it was merely fueled by the moment, fueled by life, fueled by rage.
It was a powerful strength.  It was a driving force for all things, it created immense desire, immense passion for all things, but on the other side of the coin, it also created immense pain.
In life, there were two ways to be, two absolutes.  Moderation was of course the best, but some could not help their nature:
the turtle
the tiger
the turtle is a way of being that caused one to shell in to be defensive.  It caused one to block out all attackers, block out all pain with it's carapace.  Unfortunetly, to block yourself in is to doom yourself, and while its not exactly cowardly to run and hide this way, it is self defeating.  the tiger on the other hand is attacking.  It's teeth and claws are used to lash out at all around it, therefore making it a frightening beast indeed.  however, the tiger's flesh is soft, and will feel the pain of arrows that are thrown at it.  It howls and frenzies, and bleeds to death.
which is better?
both end up dead.

 So what had happened?
he had let the anger get the best of him, and he turned away all that approached.  His blade he held towards all warning them to stay away.  Meanwhile, he war'ed with himself over the way to handle his confusion.
But the beast, as i said, has it's own agenda.  It turned what was once a beautiful thing of creation into a powerful tool of self destruction, that beckenoned the paladin to rage, the drove him to insanity, but made the once great warrior quiver with frusteration.  For their was no release of the pain he felt in his heart, no release for the rage he felt inside, and it kept him back.
and held him down.
With nothing to believe in, his family gone, his trust in the path of truth gone, his friends walking away, he had no choice but to turn inward.

Slowly he accepted it, he accepted that in life, one must temper his rage, or drive all away from him.
He also learned that loyalty, and honor were not true things.  they were of man, they were dreams.
He had tried to fight the good fight, but when all the things he had faith in
had failed him, what exactle was the good fight?
how can you remain true to yourself if you have no self to remain true to.
how can you expect to find solace in life?

the paladin sheathed his sword, he felt dishonored, and unworthy of the blade.
he was no longer a pillar of truth, because he had learned, that even truth would let you down
all he had believed in, all he had hope in, were gone.
Yet, he remained.
He tried to keep the beast at bay, and rebuild that which he had destroyed, but to no avail.  His path of sorrow, anger and destruction was too long, and too dark to be mended,  or even understood.  All those he had, had forgotten what he once was, long ago, and knew only the monster that had manifested itself in his time of need.  He stood no chance of redemption.
no chance of reconcilation with those he had once called comrades.  (or so he thinks?)

now a lone swordsman stands on the cliff, overlooking a land he once fought for.  leaving behind all he had loved.  He keeps his sword sheathed, and locked, knowing too well the deadliness and hatred he is capable of wielding, he must now walk the path in a new light.
all was not lost.
not yet anyways.

JAMES: click here

i shouldn't care but i do.

"Set out a runnin'
but i take my time
a friend of the devil is a friend of mine
if i get hom, before daylight,
just might get some sleep,
-robert hunter

leave a man to lick his wounds.



sometimes things spin out of control and you can't contain them
sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it's a bad thing
but it happens
it's happening now.


avoid sharp objects.

it's my brother's birthday

i don't think you guys are being bastards.
i don't think  it wasn't my fault for pushing you away
I don't even pretend to talk to you all, so where is the problem?

i have 166 new e-mails because i don't check it anymore
i'm not going to check those either

cept yours luna, of course

I wish i had a giant sledge hammer that could smash whatever needed smashing
72% on the battery

er.. 71%

don't read this webpage, it's not for you
it's not for anyone, it doesn't exist.

all the updates i do that i don't really feel like doing come out like this
i'm just going on for no reason but something to do while i'm waiting to go to dinner

titan ae is a good movie in that it has good special effects and it presents itself well. nothing in it is new, but it's still good.

"mind if i cut in?"
"more the merrier"

is something wrong here?

why not?
why would there be?

the baby was born and it wasn't right
it was deformed and mutated
it had three heads
one arm
and 17 toes
when it was one, it would drag itself around with its arm, and it's toes would move along like catapiller feet
it's cry was truly beautiful because it was a chorus
when it grew up, it joined a freak show at the circus but was soon fired because no one wanted to see it
so it bought a harmonica and a piano, and learned to play with it's toes
it was a one freak band
and i'm going on and on about something stupid
for no reason
and if you're still reading,
i'm sorry

i'm sorry
i didn't meen it i swear.

nothing, i really don't have much to say i guess.
maybe later.

whats this?
and not just webpage wise
i think perhaps altogether, i'm back
i'm sorry for the inconvience when i was away, but everyone can relaxe

"I like a good cigar, but not when it explodes"

hey, should i quit my job?

i have updates to do, but i want pictures and i need to scan them

i'm on my laptop

chanel, babeeeeeee
i'm sorry
you know i am.
call me!!!!
or not.


"too black to for the cops, too blue for the brothers"

my baby turtle is getting bigger, soon it will be old enough to fly and eat cities.

messiah deluxe has it's first REAL REAL mp3, IM me to get it.

I have a new screen name: JaevinBlackpawn.
I don't like it, but everyone refuses to give me a new name so i guess it'll suffice to i have an epiphony of my true self.
or something like him.

don't blame me,
i'm a nihilist.

love you
special loves to the following:
K, H, C, M, M, and God.
because god gave me a chicken burrito, and i ate it.

Whats this?
You think, i open a webpage, in the middle of the net, and i don't know whats going on?
I represent.

So,whats up?
Long time no see.
Hows life?
same as ever

accelerate to 65, because thats the speed limit, and i dont break the law.

i should fill you all in on something:
I have nothing

oh well, fuck it.  I guess.
not much i can do.

I guess i'm a monster
just like life in general.

i'm listening to a white rapper,

Management of this webpage is changing soon, headquarters think i have good material, but no editing skills, no discipline, and no consistancy.

did you miss me when i've been gone on my month hiatus?  I didn't think so, I bet i don't even have any readers left, i probably never had them in the first place.  I just liked to think i wasn't just writing all this stuff to my self.  It was a nice fantasy.

I guess i don't care.
I guess.

tied up, unarmed, no one at my back, no one on my side, no self-trust, no self confidence, alone and drifting

through  space

as if thats anything new


how are you?
I'm ok.
just ok?

just keep doubting me
you've already made me doubt myself

it's like trying to force my desire to provide for me.
so much

I am selfish because i can't be happy without providing a little hope to all the poor saps that are just like me w/ nothing but the incessant, powerfully driven need to force an infinite amount of abstract beauty and purity for others to see, and the frusteration that this, is probably the best i can do.

A bunch of senseless gibberish that is me trying to tell you all that life and everything is beautiful
i'm guessing the majority of passion i have for this is lost in the translation.

what can i do/

I'm lost
and hurt


Things will now come your way - a fortune cookie I recieved.
little did i know what it meant.

(i'll write a more official story of this later..)
Well, I was in jail.
(i'm sick of retelling, so this is gonna be concise)
What happened? I was sitting in my car listening to music, and a cop rolled up.
He wanted me to get in his car, i asked why, they didn't say anything, i told them no, resisted when they tried to force me..
*Pow* slug to the face, pepper spray, three guys on me.. *whack* *whack* still i struggled, big fat cop comes from behind me
puts me in a sleeper hold, i know i'm out.. i stop struggling, good night sweet prince.
Face smashed into the concrete..
they kicked me while i was down. (face, ribs)
in and out of consciencness..
blood and pepper spray, and tears and sweat dripping unto the cement..
i try to stand, they kick me down.

i don't remember the ambulance, i don't remember the fire engine.

I was put in the back of the car, driven around, first to jail (they rejected me cause my pulse was too high) then to the hospital (nurse gave me soda and water, i was hand cuffed to the gerny) brought back to jail.

cops are being stupid and trying to make fun of me by calling me a ninja (i had a katana in my back seat)
dazed, i told them "you're lucky i'm not a real ninja"

the hand cuffs were tight.  I asked them to loosen them, they made them tighter..

I was put into a holding cell and left for 2 hours.
Soon, other people were brought in w/ me and we went around cell to cell getting booked, i finally saw a mirror, my face was pretty black and purple.
We got to a room w/ a payphone and so i called my grandparents.  They refused the call.  I got depressed, felt pretty alone.
The other guys urged me to try again.
i did.
got refused again..

Now i was in jail, charged w/ a felony (possession of a deadly weapon) and i figured my family had decided to leave me in jail.
Logically, suicide made sense.  Jail guard picked up on it.. they sent me to the suicide ward.

Where they took off my jail jumpsuit and gave me a 3 x 2 foot tarp vest, and nothing else, and put me in a little room.
It was very cold in there, and i had nothing but a little foam mattress, and the tarp.
the air condition was blowing 24 hours a day..
i sat there hundled up with my tarp thing wrapped around me for about 36 hours.. nothing to do, and i couldn't sleep.
for sure.
I blocked up the AC vent w/ wet toilet paper..
After awhile a psychologist came by and asked me questions, i answered, i was taken off suicide watch but left in my little cell, but i got my orange jump suit back, and socks and shoes (no shoe laces, wouldn't want me to HANG myself..)
I slept good that night

Anyways, third day in the morning, i went on the jail bus w/ 30 other guys (felons, convicts, drug dealers, ect) i was hand cuffed to one, we never talked to each other, i don't remember what he looked like at all, not race, hair color..
In the bus we listened to the radio, nothing good was on though.

I sat in the court jail w/ a bunch of guys.  Jail is funny, because the bad guys are pretty nice, and most of the time we were trying to block up the air conditioning w/ magazine pages or talking about playstation or talking about how much trouble we were in.
Never saw a judge, never saw a public defender, never saw anyone while i was there (still hadn't even spoken to my family)
A deputy came and had me sign a paper so my mom could get my car out of the impound lot.
I sat for another few hours, everyone had their turn 'cept me..
finally the same deputy (a girl w/ glasses) told me my mom said "call me when you get out tonight and i'll pick you up"

I went back to my little cell (got a quick shot of bad mojo when that door slammed me in again) and ate my dinner (two oranges, one i had saved from lunch) and then sat and waited for them to tell me what was going on..

So i was released.. no charges were filed, no one ever talked to me, i didn;t know anything.  I got my stuff back, my clothes back

My manager maureen was there to pick me up, i was suprised, but i guess she had figured everything out.. She rocks.

I was happy to be free.

I rested for a day, then my dad flew out from ohio to visit me.

Went back to work friday, worked all weekend.
Worked all week.
now i'm here writing this.

Listen to everything they say.
Don't tell them you want to commit suicide
Don't have an attitude, most of the inmates are nice guys, and you'll get along well.
Jail sucks.

is bad
read these links, one is from my cousin (w/out his permission, sorry..)
and one is an old conversation that i had that probably is pretty bad but kind of intriguiging

I was going to give a humourous retelling of my horrible day as my daily update today, but i decided not to.

maybe i will anyways, despite my decision not to.
woke up, (slept in clothes and shoes yesterday)
called work, told them my car was out of gas and since when i work is arbitrary and i had made the decision to work today as opposed to tomarrow yesterday, i figured it'd be no big deal.  However my manager didn't feel that way, because she was dragged out of bed early after closing the night before, because another manager forgot to wake up to open the store this morning.  So i begged my mom for money, got gas, went to work.
work was lame, i didn't finish everything i was supposed to ( i had gotten in 130 boxes yesterday, and 30 today) and i didn't have time to cart all the books, and there was no room anyways on the carts.  It was a stupeed bloody mess.
On the bright side, when i went to get the ladder at Dietrichs Coffee next door, i asked the chick there if she wanted me to hit anybody w/ it and she said yes, all the customers.
40 minutes passed 6 (when i was off) i left the store.

Got to my car, my remote wouldn;t work, the key to get in the car was in the car, i was screwed.
Asked the guy at electronic's boutique if i could borrow a battery, he gave it to me, i tried again.  No go.
So, after going back and forth between EB and my car, trying variations of battery's ect., i sat beside my car, in the cold, and rain clouds looming and decided to wait there until i died or something good happened.  I wish i had my harmonica, because that'd be a good time to play it, unfortunately, it was LOCKED IN MY CAR.

My manager kevin saw me there, and offered to call AAA, so he did, the truck arrived, they tried to get in, and after numerous attempts succeeded in doing so.  .... key in the ignition, nothing.  We tried to jump it, nothing.  Evidently, the alarm killed the battery and now nothing would work.  So the car is still in the parking lot.  I'm at home.  The end.

e-mail me, i miss you guys

Ninjistic: oh i have to upload it first
Mehakoi: hehe
Mehakoi: that tends to help
Ninjistic: it's kinda stupid
Ninjistic: actually i'll upload the link to this thing
Ninjistic: it's lame
Ninjistic: in a weird way that i don't end up usually being lame in
Mehakoi: Its ok i'm lame all the time and i don't care
Ninjistic: but it's lame in a different way then the way that i can be lame and not care
here's something, i guess..  click here if you want to

the wall was too high he could not break free

If you want me to update, just press alt U, thats the update hot key.

I went to disneyland today, and well, it kinda made me feel destructive? why? because a company uses mass marketed propaganda ridden, lifeless media to suck money from people? no.
I wanted to kill everyone because sitting there, with thousands of people around me doing the same thing, human being started to blend.  I was overwhelmed by them, they all blured together and began looking like mutants and such.  I also realized i was one of them, and it just seemed so... blarg.
Anyways, disneyland is a good place if you like videodrome and/or dull space madness.

Fade away
fading away
and gone.

you get in it, and you sit there. it's a little white pod.  it has a smooth white cieling and smooth white walls.  You can walk a little bit and maybe jump around a bit, but thats it.  It's you, and the walls, and a little terminal.
The terminal has a keypad.  When you put in the password, you get to get out.
otherwise you stay there forever.


Tzar is a cool game, you get to make cloaking ninjas who can kill everyone.

physical manifestation of the uncarved block right now.  I hate being a medium.



there were four of us, we got on tram #35.

Here's the turtle song:
you follow me but you don't see where i'm going
you say you love me but you don't show it
you feed yourself to the gaping maw
you get eaten up and spit out raw
you're a cat
it's a turtle
and the turtle will eat the cat
yeah baby
the turtle will eat the cat.

I put that here now becuase i'm pretty sure that i can relate most human experiences to it.

3.30.00 (still?? oh boy...)
i'm going to start making reviews on things i've played or seen, here's the first one on  the horse whisperer

go buy timothy mcsweeney's
and mdfmk
and "war all the time" by bukowski

seeya all later

you want to see my army?....
God damn
the torpedos:

Received: From BROWNVM(MAILER) by MRVAX with RSCS id 1792
          for JMS@MRVAX; Mon,  9 May 88 13:52 MST
Received: by BROWNVM (Mailer X1.25) id 1785; Mon, 09 May 88 16:09:54 EDT
Date:         Mon, 9 May 88 16:09:05 EDT
Reply-To:     Mmytacist Mmanufacture <WEIRD-L@BROWNVM>
Sender:       Mmytacist Mmanufacture <WEIRD-L@BROWNVM>
From:         The Bipartisan Party <JEREMY@BROWNVM>
Subject:      Star Wreck
To:           Joel M Snyder <JMS@ARIZMIS>

From:         Frank LaRosa <FLAROSA@SBCCVM>


    I was the captain. I was heading for the bridge. The captain
belonged on the bridge. He was the captain. I walked onto the
    Uhura was the communications officer. She was sitting at the
communications console. Dammit, Uhura was ugly. Probably everyone on
the bridge thought so. Checkov thought so. If only these damn script
writers would put it in the damn script. Then maybe one of us could
say it. Damn.
    I turned to Uhura. "Put Kahn on the screen", I said.
    "Yes, Kahn."
    "On the screen?"
    "Yes, the screen."
    "You want me to put Kahn on the screen?"
    Dammit, Uhura was stupid too. Just then Kahn came on the screen.
I said, "God dammit Kahn, what do you want?"
    "I want all the information on the Genesis project."
    "The information?"
    "On the Genesis project?"
    "All of it?"
    It seemed as though Kahn wanted all the information on the
Genesis project. Dammit, Kahn was ugly. But I knew this Kahn. He was
out to destroy me. I couldn't give him the information. I had to
destroy him. If I gave him the information then he would destroy me
and I knew I had to destroy him.
    I told Checkov to load the torpedo tubes. The torpedo tubes held
the photon torpedos. The photon torpedos would destroy Kahn. Checkov
loaded the torpedo tubes. Kahn was on the screen again. "I want all
the information on the Genesis project".
    I told Checkov to fire the photon torpedoes.
    "Here it comes," I said.

RE: bitter French kiss (continued)
Joseph Adamczyk (adamczyk@microserve.net)
Mon, 15 Jun 1998 16:45:44 -0400

Messages sorted by: [ date ][ thread ][ subject ][ author ]
Next message: Joseph Adamczyk: "Damn the Torpedos: Know your enemy"
Previous message: Marek Duszkiewicz: "Re: Pol-Am astronaut?"
> French are just like French poodle: a kind of
> gorgeous
but with very funny haircuts
> but not so useful like German shepherd.
But they alkso bite people.
> --
> jpzr.
Give me my non ethnic, but very fast (when she wants to be) greyhound.
Joe A. and Leia, the _very_ retired greyhound
Next message: Joseph Adamczyk: "Damn the Torpedos: Know your enemy"
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 chanel click this
 you mooks click here
and  here
 luna here is for you
kate and holly click  here
Meg:  here
James this  here is spookin me out
and for alan:  clicking here is a nessessity


When I dream, i'm dying all the time.
the above links is big because i think it's big
 Click here for something

..and the cold harsh winter has come to an end...

Happy spring equinox.

A recap of yesterday's events:
wake up to my mom and step-dad fighting.  She's kicking him out, he's leaving.  If he's gone, my step-sister chelsea goes with him.
 I'm in here, listening to Moby:
"ohh lordy, troubles so hard,
ohh lordy, troubles so hard,
don't nobody knows my troubles with God
don't nobody knows my troubles with God"

My mother is crying.  i forget her harshness, i forget it all.  I go to comfort her.
She's upset because she wanted to live a life of dreams and hope with brian, but we were all trying hard enough to just survive.
She asks me what she should do, she says "you're the logical one, what should i do?"  I ask her what she wants.
She says she doesn't know..
The problem with logic is that you have to have know the steps to decifer the best sollution.  She is standing there, and i think of how she no longer looks my mother.. just another lost sad girl..
He is off finding a new place.
So, i go and talk to him.
Brian is a cool guy.  He is unusually calm and reserved in most situations i've been in with him,  this one is no exception.
We talk.  The problem is, he is afraid of her, and she wants him to stand up to her.
Which i know is like sticking your head in the lion's mouth...
I talk some courage and hope into him, and he goes to resolve the issues.  He wants me to go with him to moderate.  I do...
she's crying.  Apparently my brother has decided to move to my uncle's house.  He's getting packed up.  Shes standing in the pathroom doorway, tugging on her dress with sadness.  It's like all of a sudden her life is slipping away from her, without struggle, like an exhale of breath.
We try to talk to her, but she doesn't want to talk about her relationship now..
Brian and I go outside.  He lights a cigerette, i'd like one, but I play the innocent in my household, iIt keeps the questions away.
I don't smoke anyways, except on special occasions.
My mom comes out..
No longer sad, she has regained her poise, and her pines are bristling.
I listen to them argue, while pouring my glass of water unto the cement, it trickles down the driveway.
The look at me..
"You're the wise one, settle this."
I offer my advice.. I tell them that they need to comunicate better and on an even ground, instead of hurling insults at each other and pulling rank.  I tell them family coucelling would keep things fair instead of one sided.. I guess they agree.
They only respect my opinion when they are in trouble.
They decide to work things out.
Meanwhile, my brother is packing his stuff to move away..
He'll be back though.  I'm not worried.

I get my clothes on and head off to work.  I'm listening to Tom Petty's "Full moon fever"
I stop at a red light behind a truck.  A mountain dew bottle rolls under my foot.  (who drinks mountain dew??)  I reach down to grab it, foot goes off the break, I roll into the truck ahead of me.  I follow him to a side street.  He has a brand new truck, I have a sorta-new camaro.  Fortunately the damage is minimal, he was a cool guy.  He said "well.. don't worry about it, get out of here."  I decide to give him my number in case of problems.  We drive off.  I get to work a bit early, and read a bit of my new Bukowski book.  Here's my favorite excerpt from then:

As i stood  at the urinal
gagging and pissing
a crapper door opened and a
midget walked out.
he took an orange tennis ball
out of his pocket.
he cocked his arm and threw a
line drive at the mirror.
the mirror didn't break.
and as the ball zipped back
he leaped in the air and caught
it in his mouth.
then, while holding the ball in
his mouth
he did a little tap dance like
Fred Astaire and
was gone.

I felt better after that.

I was working at a register, which is ok, but it is slow and boring.  Not much to do, and you can't really do much but sit there because once you start to do something, someone comes up and puts their books on the counter.  I usually draw pictures of the famous writers that are wallpapered up against the side of the building.  Those don't take me very long.
Whenever we needed to open the drawer for change, we'd have to call a manager to the front.  This was always a hassle because they were normally in the back room at the back of the store talking, and it would take a few minutes to get them to come up.  I knew a trick though:  You could ring up a newspaper for one cent, and open the drawer.  So there was a manager standing there, and i did the trick just to be stupid or whatever.. trouble is the only thing other then working hard that makes employment tolerable for me.  She was suprised i could open the drawer, and asked me to do it again.  I realized though, that ringing it up for one cent everytime would make my drawer slightly off, so i decided intsead to try ringing up one for .0 cents.  I didn't mind my drawer being 5 cents off at the end of the night, but i didn't want to make waves witht he manager. Well, this was a major mistake.
The drawer didn't open because no money was put in, and there was no money to take out.  However, since it registered a cash transaction, it thought that it was open.  This is one thing i hate about programmers, they have no forsight to the bumblings of people.  I could have coded it to work, but oh well...
Anyways, it was stuck forever with a little window that said "close drawer please"
but we couldn't because it was closed..
I think this story above might be boring, it's kind of boring me writing it, so i will go to the bottom line:
They had to call the store manager and get some secret key to fix it, and even after that, it was still broken, i thought i was going to get fired, but the store manager actually thought it was funny, and it was no big deal at all.
Some item's of interest (to me at the very least)
A fat man gave me a business card that described him as a "balloon Animal Artist Extrodinaire"
A co-worker said "We're probably going to go to Rosarita because we're too cheap for Cabo"
A girl reading books in the sexuality section said "it's gross looking at other people doing it."
I wonder if the Torah is catagorized under M for moses or G for God.
It's been a long time since i've been in this position, and well, here i am 19 years old
and grounded.
Yeah yeah...
I didn't go to sleep wednsday night, and at 6 AM laying in bed, pretending to be asleep as my mom walked into wake up Matthew, i pretended to wake up.
He said, "You should take me to school."
And so i said "ok" and put my shoes on.  We got in the car and drove towards his school.  When we passed it, he said "uh?"
and so i told him "You aren't going to school today."
We went and saw a movie and had a phili-cheese steak sandwhich, drove home, and i called him in sick.  I said i was his father.
Which was a problem.
because technically.. he doesn't have a father.  So they called my mom.
and here i am..
19 years old,
and grounded.

here is an excerpt from a poem by Charles Bukowski:
"and we sat there for
several hours
drinking tea
(for them)
wine for
talking and laughing
as if everything was
all right
instead of mutilated
and murdered
A friendly reminder: march 20th marks the spring equinox, thus ending the winter of discontent.
Happy Saint Patrick's day

Glossary is updated.  Look for the angel.

3.11.00 (still??)
A solitary man in a solitary castle atop a steep and dark hill stared quietly at his own reflection.  Besides the dancing of the torch flame, the only movement was the rustling of the leaves blown by the chill harsh wind of the area.
He spoke, and an echo emminated from the stony recesses of his bedchamber.  A shadow took form, and appeared to him in his reflection.
"Why do you go on?"  the shadow asked him, merely echoing his own voice.
"I don't surrender because i cannot surrender"  He replied.
"What drives you then?  Why can't you merely lay your blade down and join us in your dark sleep?"  It echoed. "In your slumber you shall find peace"
"That is a lie.  There is no peace.  Not for me."  The man shook his head. "I wish to be among the fools, i wish for love and beauty and life.  My own existance is a curse, my own mind is my deception."
"Who are you then? the tyrant? the fool? or merely a pilgrim, searching?"
"Who am I?" the man replied to the voice. "I am none of those."
"Ah, so now I understand.  Without knowing who you are, you cannot surrender yourself, because you have not even discovered what you're fighting for, and what you'd be surrendering to."  It said, "you must fight on."
 The shadow flickered with the flame, and was extinguished by the wind.  The voice coyly slid back into the cracks of the castle walls, leaving the solitary man, alone, once again.

I put two lone swordsmen in the cd player in my camaro, making a total of 3 of them.

play true to the moment

the higher powers of the universe has deemed it nessessary to create us using the drastic forces of evolution.  Why they did this, i don't know.  But they did in fact do it, because here we are.  Anyways, whatever forces or reasons behind our creation also made it standard for us to have emotional responses to have actions in our lives, things like ambition, sorrow, fear, and these are what drive us to forge forward in this life.  But all in all, i think we can sum up human existance in a simple phrase:
how can a group of hairless monkey's get themselves in so much trouble?

whatever all that means.

I rewired my dreamcast and now i can play japanese games.  The game that i have is called Berserk, and it's my favorite game ever because it so beautiful illustrates a metaphor in our lives.  The main character, in the hopes of helping this girl and destroying evil, embarks on a quest to destroy the source of the rising darkness.  He has to fight hordes of zombies, mutants, and soldiers who seemingly attack him for no good reason.  His weapon? A giant sword, that is so big, it shreds through his enemies.  There are, however two problems:  there seemingly is an infinite amount of enemies, and his sword is so big, he can't always swing it because it clangs against the walls.   When he takes enough damage, he gets really mad and goes into berserk mode, and you can swing the sword faster, and you don't take damage, but usually your sword still hits the wall.  You get infinite continues, but you will never end up using that many.

Make of that what you will.

In the CD player: Two lone swordsmen (dance/trance)

this update brought to you by the letters D, and M
and the number 16

I have the book "The friend's of Pancho Villa" I read 190 pages of it yesterday, and it is pretty good.

I had a pretty weird dream last night..
it started out with me being all happy, at some weird camp type place.. Meg was there, we were still going out, evidently..
she left early on.  I can't remember this whole part of the dream, but for some reason, it ended up being a school, and i was playing some game with my friends having a good time, then a teacher got all mad and tried to expell me, but i argued out of it.  it was weird..  right after that meg's all "we're broken up now, sorry.." and thats when the dream lost all grasp on reality:
Ninjistic: i just had a twacked out dream
Strimbello: about?
Ninjistic: like, everything
Ninjistic: basically it was me playing the adunai movie for my dad, it was whack
Strimbello: hehe
Ninjistic: like at the end
Ninjistic: there was a clip from the simpsons
Strimbello: woohoo!!
Ninjistic: that didn't really exist
Ninjistic: it was weird
Strimbello: fuckin-a
Ninjistic: bart and lisa were trying to stop mr burns
Ninjistic: from dumping 4932875042193721093 tons of sewage
Ninjistic: and the thing they had, was a dump truck full of these magic rubber ducks
Strimbello: hmmm
Ninjistic: homer tried to stop them
Ninjistic: they went to dump it
Ninjistic: but the rubber ducks were stuck to the inside of the truck
Ninjistic: and mr burns was laughing manically
Ninjistic: but then one of them tumbled down
Ninjistic: and splashed into the water
Ninjistic: and turned into a real duck, and the trail behind it as it floated down was blue instead of being all polluted
Ninjistic: then all the ducks fell out
Strimbello: holy shit...that is weird
Ninjistic: and like, cleaned up everything
Ninjistic: it was way out there
Ninjistic: then like it turned even weirder
Ninjistic: cause it went into first person
Ninjistic: with me as myself taking barts place, and it was not really a cartoon
Ninjistic: and there was an army marching upon us
Strimbello: that would make a sweet episode
Ninjistic: and poncho was there, and he's like "i'll take care of this" and he charged the entire army, and there was a huge explosion
Ninjistic: and then EVERYONE was there
Ninjistic: yeah, it would
Ninjistic: actually
Ninjistic: anywyas, everyone was there
Ninjistic: and we were all bummed out over poncho's death
Ninjistic: but then, he like popped up in the air with condor man- like hang gliding wings
Ninjistic: and the credit's played
Ninjistic: and he kept flying past the screen
Ninjistic: and i cried


it's a good thing i don't have to explain myself to a psychiatrist or anything..
Maybe it's a metaphor for life..
You think you have everything you could want, that you're life is complete..
but there are always outside forces.  Even the people you love and trust the most can leave you all alone, and it might bring you down.
But then there are always your true friends, and the good times, and even when things get at their worst, you can unload your truck full of rubber ducks, and they will clean up the filth.  Then some unexpected friend who you may have forgotten was on your side will come and save the day.  And even in your despair at their death, they will triumph!!! and fly around with giant batlike wings..  I don't know..
let me rephraise that paragraph,
you may think you're living a happy beautiful life, and that everything is perfect.
But unfortunately, if it was perfect, it would not be so easily broken.  In the end, doing the right thing will be your only salvation.
and the beauty*  will ALWAYS prevail

*beauty- true beauty, when things feel so perfect

moving on :)

I'm so disorganized, i've lost my last 2 paychecks..  How freaking stupid is that? it's like, 350 dollars.. i don;t know where they went.
I can get them replaced, but thats beside the point.  So I've purchased "Idiots guide to Organizing your Life" for 3 bucks.  Heh...

I better cut my losses and quit now for today, more later!!

3.5.00 (even though it's really the 7th, no one has the guts to fix the gregorian calander)

You think, i open a webpage, in the middle of the net, and i don't know, whats going on?
i f*c*ing represent.

Existance is futile: you will be obliterated.

Who are you to resist?

Oh yeah..
The adunai.

SplJamnRam: i'm being watched by the government
SplJamnRam: right now
Mehakoi: yeah i know
Mehakoi: its ok though
SplJamnRam: mad bumbler vs the feds, round 2
Mehakoi: thats an unfair fight
Mehakoi: the mad bumbler should tie a hand behind his back
SplJamnRam: heh
SplJamnRam: yeah

or is it the new irony?
is this even a joke?
what the fu**?