The Horse Whisperer
Final score: F

what do you get when you take stephanie from FULL f*ckin HOUSE!!! the gay marine old man from american beauty, robert redford, and a horse, and throw them all in a giant blender? A whole lot of nihilicious meatshake.  What do you get when you put them all in a movie?  A whole lot of not quite so tasty, not quite so satisfying shit.
I guess the premise starts off good enough, young girl (she only has one leg) owns insane biomechanical horse, vet says it's best to shoot the thing before it goes berzerk and terrorizes new york, but the mother says no.  this woman is really really stupid.  So she calls up this guy in montana, who tells her "i don't know what your talking about, i can't speak to horses" then shrugs her off.  Btw, she is married to the guy from jurrasic park.  So this woman after getting shrugged off decides to drive her, her daughter who is 13 (and stephanie from full house) and the big cut up horse 9432052309453 miles to montana from new york, for no reason at all.  She doesn't even tell the guy (robert redford) that she is coming, and she pisses everyone off.
they arrive, blah blah, emotional bullshit, she is attracted to the other guy, has no quams that she's married, whatever..
blah blah, then the movie gets good.  the horse is going insane in front of the woman and rising up on it's legs, and redford has his cowboy hat on and is beating it with "wonderbat" and then the horse finally twists around and bites the woman's head off, blood is splurting everywhere, and the horse is loving those good soft human brains, and finally it calms down.  then the horse chokes on the woman's big mouth, and dies.  Stephanie comes in and sees her dead horse, and shes crying and robert redford says "no no, it's just sick" and makes her get on the dead horse, and shes crying, and cryin, then he cuts a hole in it's stomach like luke in star wars, except he climbs all the way in and uses it as a horse costume.  This movie is so good because it is so weird.  so he crawls into it and i guess the horse was some uber-horse or something becuase immediatly the two of them fused together to make one live hu-orse? hor-um?  so he gets all excited because all his life he dreamed of being a giant horse-man and stephanie is running and running, and her dad comes in (the guy from jurrassic park) and muldoon is with him, and sees this giant horse thing dancing around and he's yelling "shoot her!!! shoot her!!!" and he was going to use his shot gun, but a velociraptor (maybe a horseman thing in a velociraptor costume??) came out the side and ate him live.  Well anyways, The JP guy starts using his merlin powers and realizes magic is dead, and the horse man eats him.  it's a very sad movie.  there is a happy ending though because the horsething humps the robot dino during the end credits.
Directing: 9 (out of a possible 3249234)
Acting: 3 (out of ten)
Babe factor: 1 (the horse was HOT!!!)
Nihilism: 0 (this movie really sucks)
final score: F

I hate this movie, don't watch it.