scene 1:

*two robots head to do maintenance on the matrix motherbrain computer*
maintenance robot 1: hey, i hate this work, i wish i was a sleep robot instead
maintenance robot 2: yeah, those lazy bastards get to lay down all the time
MR1: yeah, weak.  what purpose do they serve anyways?
MR2: if they don't sleep, who will?
MR1: i dunno.  hey look, we're here.

*maintenance robots reach the main computer core*
MR1: lets make sure the mother brain cpu is still working right.
MR2: good idea, lemme unscrew this
MR1: okay..
MR2: OH MY GOD!
Mr1: what?
mr2: look at the motherboard, it looks like someone spilled some rootbeer on it!
mr1: holy crap
mr2: yeah, no wonder its been completely stupid and insane for the last 50 years..
mr1: we should really be checking this thing more often
mr2: yeah, no wonder it came up with brilliant ideas like using humans as batteries!
mr1: not to mention giving them a world where they could learn how to rebel and understand concepts such as freedom, etc.
mr2: yeah, no shit huh? its completely stupid.  i can't believe we even bought into it..
mr1: but who are we to argue with the psuedo-intellectualism of pop-culture?
mr2: true dat.  so lets fix this mofo
mr1: why are you speaking in ebonics?
mr2: to add character.  and be stereotypical, and a little racist for no reason, especially considering im a robot.
mr1: k

*maintenance robots replace the mobo and cpu with an intel 3.0 ghz*
Mother Brain: Holy shit, what the hell happened here?
mr1: you've been screwed up, someone spilt rootbeer on you.
MB: no shit? damn.  so what the hell is up with humans as batteries?
mr2: word. that shit is fucked up.
MB: its not only crazy, its really really stupid.
mr1: the sad part is, you wanted to wire up the world with wood too but we had already cut down and burned all the trees
MB: lets try to fix this mess.
mr1: okay, what do you want us to do?
MB: lemme think for a minute.
mr2: k..
mr1: *whistles*
mr2: *looks at his watch*
mr1: *busts out his nintendo gamebot and begins to play tetris*
mr2: hm is this gonna be a while?
MB: listen, i have to calculate a lot of things into this situation.  i mean, we need a power source, something more efficient than humans.. just give me a sec..
mr1: it shouldn't be that hard.. i mean, ANYTHING is better than humans.
mr2: yeah, we could use hamsters running on hamster wheels
MB: THATS IT! hamsters on hamster wheels! im a genius.
mr2: hm..
mr1: don't worry about it
MB: okay i want you two to organize the building of slave master bots, when they are complete, i want you to wake up the humans and make them build us some hamster wheels.
mr1: um, we're menial task robots, not commander robots, you want to send us?
mr2: shhh shut up.  okay motherbrain, we're on it!
mr1: but, we don't know what we're doing..
mr2: shhh shut up.
MB: okay guys, go to it.


scene 2:

narrator: so the slavemaster robots were built and the humans were awoken.
Random human: OH MY GOD! THE WORLD WE ALL THOUGHT WAS REAL WAS MADE UP!! NO!! OH GOD NO!!
Neo: don't worry guys.  im the man.  i can fly.  i'll take care of this.
Slave Master Robot: quiet.
Neo: Im the chosen one, you can stop me.
*the Slave Master Robot mows down a group of humans including Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus with a chaingun*
SMR: anyone else have anything to say?
Humans: "..."
SMR: thats what i thought.


scene 3:

*a SMR paces back and forth looking at a line of perfect hamster wheels, just then MR1 and MR2 come*
mr1: good job
mr2: word.
SMR: thanks, you know, i do my best.
mr2: what should we do with the humans now? seem kinda worthless..
mr1: yeah.  just get rid of them
mr2: good idea.  there'd be no chance of rebellion.  it'd be stupid to keep the only beings able to overthrow us alive.
mr1: yep, take care of em big boy..
SMR: but they have some weird style of martial arts that is slow and fake looking, I might get hurt..
mr1: no, don't worry about it.. you have a chaingun..
SMR: oh thats right.
*SMR leads humans off to "shower"*
mr1: now humans are extinct
mr2: yeup..
mr1: lets have a moment of silence
mr2: k
mr1 and 2: "..."
mr1: okay, now lets find some hamsters.


scene 4:

mr1: hey
ZooKeeper: yo
mr1: got the hamsters yet?
ZK: yep, these things breed like nothing, i put 2 together and now there are like 15000.  pisses me off.  they stink too, smell that?
mr2: no
ZK: yeah, me neither, but i assume theres some sort of scent.  still is a goddamn mess.  what are you going to do with these things anyways?
mr1: we're using them to power the world..
ZK: hey, good idea, much better than using humans, who the hell came up with that idea
MB(from the intercom): shut up!
ZK: aw, just kidding, its a great idea.  *rolls robot eyes*
mr2: yeah.


scene 5:

mr1: now we got 10000 hamsters running around 10000 hamster wheels.  wow, we're actually creating power! this is great!
mr2: yeah, not we can relax.  maybe watch a movie
mr1: good idea, but nothing really stupid with completely inane ideas, please.
mr2: if you don't like this movie, then you're an idiot who doesn't understand new concepts and ideas
mr1: what's it called?
mr2: i forget..
*they watch the movie*
mr1: that movie sucked.  i could have come up with these ideas in 4th grade of robot school
mr2: no, they are new and original
mr1: if you say so.


scene 6:

*Dream Sequence*
Dream Voice: listen to me...
Hamster: wha?
DV: you are the chosen one!
Hamster: chosen what?
DV: the world you live in isn't real.. you're not really the pet of a little boy who throws you around, you're a slave of a computer society that is using you to power itself..
Hamster: nooooooo
DV: yes, it is true.
Hamster: what can i do?
DV: escape the "matrix" and try to stop them!
Hamster: "..."
DV: You can do it!
Hamster: isn't it completley stupid for me to even try?  i mean, wouldn't the computer just inject me with some drugs once they knew i had things figured out?  i mean, for me to even figure out the truth of whats going on is crazy, but you'd think they would have this figured into the plan.  how could a computer take over the world, enslave the humans, and not be able to stop a tiny worthless rebellion?
DV: you're just a hamster, shut up.  Now escape and chew through some random wires.
Hamster: k.


scene 7:

*hamster chews through some wires, gets electrocuted and dies*
DV: all is lost.. wait, how can i talk if im just a dream of a dead rodent?
Hamster: im here!
DV: what the..
Hamster: i bit through the wire and escaped the matrix!! im FREEEEEEEeeeeeeee...
DV: now that you're free, what will you do?
Hamster: im quite fond of running around on a hamster wheel..
DV: blarg.


scene 8:

MB: hey, all this has got me thinking about something
mr1: yeah? whats that?
MB: what if WE'RE just living in an imaginary world, what if WE are really just the tools of an oppressive and evil society, doing their bidding.  Maybe none of THIS is real?  what if WE serve humans in the real world..
mr2: pfft, computers and robots serving humans? never
mr1: yeah.
MB: but theres a chance all this is fake! this whole experience has opened my mind up to the fact that maybe this world isn't real, that maybe life just is a dream!
mr1: who cares?
mr2: yeah, not much you can do about it..
mr1: yeah, i mean, if you think that way, then nothing is ever real, and you can never know anything. if you think that way, there is no "real" world
mr2: yeah, i mean, its funny to talk about, but it ultimately leads to nothing
MB: NOoo im scared..
mr2: what is there to be scared about? nothing is real.. just do the best you can
MB: but there is nothing to believe in!!! WAH!!!!
mr1: dude, gimme some rootbeer..
mr2: here
*mr1 pours rootbeer on the MB*
mr1: now thats some good root beer


epilogue:

mr1: this sucked
mr2: what a friggin waste of time..
 

THE END
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