I'm beginning an Adunai Crusade.  We shall reclaim our homeland and kill the infidels!

weather in newark:
The WeatherPixie

Oops, I did it again............ CLICK LOUIS ARMSTRONG
Louis Armstrong


Do you trust me?

Martha Stewart:
Etiquette Guru or Schizophrenic Savant?

(Part 1)
   Martha Stewart has lived a long public life where she has turned her touch at making ordinary things beautiful into an empire of etiquette and home beautification.  Coming from humble origins, she has proven her resolve and strength by overcoming the odds to become one of the most wealthy and famous women in the world.  She is the living embodiment of the American Dream.  However, her fortune and private obsessions have been hidden from the world, and with rumors about her quarks and indiscretions floating around the Internet and print for the last decade, it is hard to begin to understand who she is as a person.  If the rumors have even an inkling of truth in them, however, they portray a very strange picture indeed.

    Martha Stuart was born Marthusia Bernar Ravunakliski in 1933 to Roman Catholic parents in Moscow, Russia.  Medical records do not specifically indicate what the crisis was, but as the obstetrician noted “The birth was not without complication, but with skilled surgeons on hand we were able to resolve the issue.” (Martha Stuart: The Inside Story, Bantam Books, 1994) While reports were never confirmed, it was often believed that Martha herself feels that her birth is one of her strong motivational factors, as if she is making amends for the tragedy that ensued.  Stranger still are rumors from undisclosed sources close to her that say she has, on rare occasion, commented that she was “burdened with sadness that she survived at the sacrifice of another life” (Life Magazine, November 15th, 2001).  While most assume that she is referring to her mother dying in childbirth, investigation into medical records at the time reveal two things.  One, that her mother survived the complications.  Two, that someone has gone to extensive lengths to eliminate nearly all evidence of her birth in the Moscow Hospital, striking all records from the file sans her birth certificate and release papers for the father, mother, and baby two months after the birth.  While the facts of why she was in the hospital and what had really happened elude investigators, her ex-husband, Andy Stewart, has given some information towards this.  “Usia, that’s what Martha liked to be called in private, believed that she was born a Siamese twin and that the other twin was severed and died.  It was sad really, but I never knew if I believed her or not, so many things she would say would contradict things she had told me in the past.  But sometimes she would get a sad look in her eye and rub her side.  She does have scars there, or did before all that plastic surgery, but they hardly looked like anything serious.  When we first met she claimed she fell on a motorcycle when she was a teenager." (BBC Magazine Weekly, October 10th, 1986)  It should be noted that this interview was during a period of estrangement that ultimately lead to a divorce, and that he was being paid by the BBC for the interview.

    Her childhood is a hard story to track down.  Records and interviews from family members and her own story seem to be very contradictory.  One thing is for certain, the assertion in her biography that she lived a normal life in Russia with her father was an absolute fiction.  “I had a happy childhood, my father raised me and did an amazing job as a single father in a time when that was especially difficult. Even through my teenage years he remained a steadfast supporter of my schooling and extracurricular activities.” (Martha Stewart – Life in Style, Bookwire Press, 1993).  This citation is very revealing of the layers of denial Martha has accumulated in trying to present a positive face forward.  The unfortunate truth is, Martha lead a disturbing childhood wrought with inconsistency and abandonment.  At the age of six, Martha returned home to find that her mother and father had hung themselves.  She was found three days later by a neighbor hiding in a small hall closet.  This might offer a keen insight into one of her most strange eccentricities, her affinity for tightly enclosed places.  One can only imagine the emotional trauma the deaths would cause a child, and the ramifications of the event, and worse, her stumbling on it, were extensive.  She was adopted by her grandmother and moved to America shortly later.  After her grandmother’s death of an apparent heart attack, she attempted suicide by hanging (mimicing her parents) at the age of nine years old.  A psychologist, William Tainer, was a residing therapist in Pearl Bay Institution where she stayed after her parents death noted, “Martha is a very smart girl, a very smart girl, but there is a lot of sadness and repression there, to the untrained eye it would seem she is cold and careless.  However, working with her  for the last eight years has shown me she is much much more than that.  She is alive and vivid and passionate, her imagination is incredible.  It is unfortunate, in my mind, that she has turned that imagination into creating a very realistic and believable fiction about her life, which she believes absolutely.” (Psychology Today, April, 1971) He went on a few years later to examine the alternate reality: “Her assertion that her mother died at childbirth, that her father and sister visits her daily is the quickest indication of her psychosis.  She was an only child with no surviving family.”  He stated also, “at night, even at the age of sixteen, she would scream and wail for hours on end, sometimes to the point we would have to quarantine and sedate her.  It was terrible.  When I would ask her about it later, she would deny the entire episode.  I would like to note though, that during these episodes she would claw the scars on left side until they were bloody.  She presented a danger to herself that she refused to accept or even believe existed.”  (Modern Psychology, November, 1979)

    Martha was released from the institution at the age of 18 on March 23rd, 1951.  She was given 50 dollars and a new set of clothes and ejected unto the streets of Pearl Bay, Massachusetts.  Most of the history of the next 10 years of her life is completely rumor and hearsay.  Her own accounts of what happened can and must be discounted due to her mental condition.  What can be taken as valid is police reports about her dated shortly after her release.

(to be continued)

Gaijin Senshi: i got semi-hustled today
Atrix W0lf: how so?
Gaijin Senshi: i was doing a delivery in downtown columbus
Gaijin Senshi: one i had to walk cause theres no parking
Gaijin Senshi: its only like half a mile
Gaijin Senshi: but it sucks carrying a dozen roses in a vase
Gaijin Senshi: :-P
Atrix W0lf: hehe
Gaijin Senshi: anyways, this fucked up looking guy came up and asked if he could trade me 4 quarters for a dollar
Gaijin Senshi: i was like, ehh sure
Gaijin Senshi: and he opened his hand and there was like 87 cents in random coins
Atrix W0lf: lol
Gaijin Senshi: he took the dollar and put it in his pocket
Gaijin Senshi: and put the change in his pocket
Gaijin Senshi: and slinked off
Gaijin Senshi: heh
Atrix W0lf: lol wtf
Atrix W0lf: hahaha
Gaijin Senshi: it wasn't worth it to me to pursue it
Gaijin Senshi: hehe
Gaijin Senshi: at least, not when i had a 90 dollar bouquet of roses in my hand
Atrix W0lf: hehe :P
Gaijin Senshi: hey and check this
Atrix W0lf: thats really wierd
Gaijin Senshi: i made that delivery on the the 25th floor
Gaijin Senshi: (on a side note, he probably makes good money, figuring people wouldn't bother cause hes fucked up and crackhead looking)
Gaijin Senshi: and it was to a guy
Atrix W0lf: terrible
Atrix W0lf: delivering roses to a gay man
Gaijin Senshi: yeah
Gaijin Senshi: haha
Gaijin Senshi: anyways, 3 hours later
Gaijin Senshi: im doing some other delivery
Gaijin Senshi: and i get a call from the flower shop owner (dallas) that the woman i delivered roses to complained about them
Atrix W0lf: whats was wrong w/ em?
Gaijin Senshi: i was like "dallas, that was a guy..." and he told me "no it wasn't i just talked to her, she has a guys name but its a girl" i replied "no, i handed the roses to him, i assure you its a guy"
Gaijin Senshi: they were OPEN TOO MUCH
Atrix W0lf: wow wtf
Gaijin Senshi: he likes them when they are more closed.
Gaijin Senshi: so i had to walk my ass half a mile back to the court house
Gaijin Senshi: go through security and get frisked AGAIN by cops
Gaijin Senshi: go up to the 25th floor, get the flowers, walk BACK to the shop, dallas fixes em, then i get to walk BACK to the courthouse, get frisked, then deliver the "more closed" flowers back to the gay dude..

From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/17/2004 9:56:59 AM | Message Detail

feh.. the british...

hey, how many more wars do we need to defeat you in or save you from before you recognize the natural superiority of the united states?

as a tribute to the united states complete dominance over the british in every aspect, the english will now be required to spell "colour" the american way: color.
From: Bird killer489 | Posted: 9/17/2004 10:01:32 AM | Message Detail
Isentaur, a post like that can spark a needless and flameful debate, you should close it.
From: Kryon | Posted: 9/17/2004 10:13:56 AM | Message Detail
Isentaur, you should be shot.
From: bobdillon (gs) | Posted: 9/17/2004 10:58:23 AM | Message Detail
What no earth are you talking about! Is this what happens when you eat too much Mcdonald's?!*
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/17/2004 11:17:10 AM | Message Detail
if you love england so much, why are you on an american message board talking about an american game on a computer that americans invented? what have the british done of any value in the last 2000 years? i'll give you the stones and the beatles, but other than that, what? you get a slut to be your princess and then you cry when she dies, you get the crap kicked out of you by germans, you build a tunnel to france.. what is the british contribution to the world??? tea??

everyone of any value left england and came to america.

and you bring up mcdonalds? what the hell does that even mean? is that really all you've got?
From: GrayHalo (gs) | Posted: 9/17/2004 12:04:53 PM | Message Detail

Isentaur makes me ashamed to be an American, if no one esle will I'll apologize for him being ignorant and the embodiment of what makes America aweful,
From: Oblong Schlong | Posted: 9/17/2004 12:50:49 PM | Message Detail
Small pox Vaccine? The Vacuum Bottle? Penicillin? A Hovercraft? The hypodermic needle?

You look extremely stupid at this point, I hasten to add.

Your bigotry against Britain- the country yours is an offshoot from, the language you use everyday is from, whose inventions make your standards of living and health so much greater- makes you seem like an ignorant fool who knows nothing of the world.

I can assert with confidence that this, in fact, is the case.
From: pKillerMax (gs) | Posted: 9/17/2004 5:52:12 PM | Message Detail

what is it with us?? Now I can see why we are the most hated country. because some punk a** racists think stupid. Jesus ppl, stop it. Power and superiority is not everything about this country. peace....
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/17/2004 6:35:23 PM | Message Detail
you cowardly brits try to attack me with facts... im sorry, you're right, i complety forgot the invention of the HOVERCRAFT when factoring in america's complete transcendance over its mother country.

now for some facts of my own:
revolutionary war-american soldiers defeat the british despite being outnumbered and out gunned, thereby winning their independance from the tyranny of england.

war of 1812- America again proves the british are pansies by beating the snot out of them a second time in under 50 years.

ww1-america bails england out
ww2-america saves england again by holding the germans at bay and keeping them from landing on british soil.
ww3-america invents a laser cannon saving the world (including england) from the alien invaders..

oops, ignore that one, im not supposed to reveal secrets from teh future.

anyways, time and again america has proven itself the economical, political, ideological AND military better of the english. why argue? hovercrafts aside, america is the driving force of innovation on this planet, instead of hating america, you should feel proud that you can garner the left over scraps of the greatest nation this world has ever seen. america should annex england and make IT a colony. (hint: we do, in a ironic and humorous twist of fate in 2042)

and for your feeble squabling, i'm also going to have to ask the english to stop spelling "humor" humour. its a small price to pay for the education you were just given.
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/17/2004 6:44:37 PM | Message Detail
my forefathers were not like me, they didn't do things this way. They chopped everyone who angered them up into tiny pieces while high on mushrooms. you are lucky that george washington isn't here, your insolence would have angered him to no end. he chopped down a cherry tree for your sins and you show no respect..

i am going easy on you...
From: Elibo | Posted: 9/18/2004 1:40:00 PM | Message Detail
One thing I don't get is all the Americans that turn against the country. Support it don't bad mouth it with everyone else. If you don't like it here move.

The entire reason the (smarter) Americans badmouth their own country is because the good majority of America are probably biased in some way, Fundamentalists, just stupid, are like Isentaur, are lazy good-for nothing fat-asses who complain, are spoiled rotten, etc. etc. etc.

I have a missionary friend. The year he came back after he went over to another third world country, he saw that he was DISGUSTED by the amount most Americans are spoiled, how they complain about the dumbest things, how much they waste, etc. Seeing this, I'm pretty embarrassed to be a part of America.
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/18/2004 2:12:38 PM | Message Detail

you'd think my talk of being from the future, the forefather's cutting people up while high on mushrooms, and my persistance in bringing up hovercrafts would be a completly obvious signal as to my true intentions.

but if you want to continue thinking im an uneducated ignorant american, then you will die like the other other infidels
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/18/2004 2:29:29 PM | Message Detail
"The entire reason the (smarter) Americans badmouth their own country is because the good majority of America are probably biased in some way, Fundamentalists, just stupid, are like Isentaur, are lazy good-for nothing fat-asses who complain, are spoiled rotten, etc. etc. etc."

hehe... yeah you sure nailed me there, how can i compete with the intelligence of these brilliant gamefaq posters? i mean really it was an act of futility from the start. i mean, you obviously have seen me and know my life to know that im lazy, good for nothing, fat and spoiled rotten.. so because of this i officially surrender in this thread. I, as a representive of the "fundamentalists" as well as the united states government have been authorized to express the following promises:

1) the annexation of the united states to its parent country, england, is effective immediatly
2) the full loyalty to the Queen by the american people, punishable by death
3) President Bush has stepped down from presidency into an honorary position of Arch-Duke of the United Colony of England (formly the US)
4) the full admitance that it was in fact england that was completly responsible for inventing the internet
5) the united states never won the revolutionary war

i apologize for fighting before, england > united states
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/18/2004 2:31:08 PM | Message Detail
PS: official vehicle of the US is now the hovercraft
From: cgwinn | Posted: 9/23/2004 10:51:08 PM | Message Detail
i just unfortunately spent the last 5 mins reading through these posts and i have to say, i want that 5 mins back, isentaur, you are embarassing yourself and your country. to our british cousins here, the majority of americans know that you are and have been for a long time our greatest friends and allies. there is more support and appreciation here for you than you realize, together our great countries have been through hell and back, two great civilizations that have taken a beating and are still standing
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/23/2004 11:15:09 PM | Message Detail
okay benedict arnold
From: cgwinn | Posted: 9/24/2004 12:16:11 AM | Message Detail
benedict arnold was a traitor to the colonies, i am proud, patriotic american. if you would take the time to get your head out of your ass you would know that great britain has long since been an important ally of the US. the last time we were enemies was the war of 1812. if you want to place ignorant animosity towards another country, at least do so to one that does has not been one of nation's best friends for the last century...
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/24/2004 3:58:52 PM | Message Detail
thats what you would say, tory. your hatred of your own country makes me want to cut down a cherry tree or something..

someone get me my axe, im gonna cut down a whole cherry orchard, just like my boy george washington does when he is mad at the english.
From: cgwinn | Posted: 9/24/2004 10:28:55 PM | Message Detail
where in any of my posts do i display any hatred of my own country? i have merely pointed out that the british have been our nation's allies since the beginning of the 20th century at least. it's not like i am praising north korea, i am apologizing to our british friends for your rude behavior and attitude towards them. normally i would not engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man but by the pointless dribble and unfounded insults you spill out only proves your own ignorance.
From: stoopdapoop | Posted: 9/24/2004 11:33:22 PM | Message Detail
haha, cgwinn is owning!
From: DragoNZ DZ | Posted: 9/25/2004 1:36:48 AM | Message Detail
Sometimes I wonder why people are so stupid as to respond to the instigating remarks of the "idiot" (who, in this case, is obviously more intelligent that most of the people responding). Already knowing the answer, however, I shouldn't do that.
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/25/2004 8:48:09 PM | Message Detail
shhh dragoNZ...

it is epically clear that i have been utterly defeated on all fronts up to this point. I am now backed up against a wall with seemingly no hope.. but fear not, i haven't begun to fight yet...

seriously cgwinn, what state do you live in? canada? quit pretending to be a patriot. you're an insult to this great country, maybe you should go to history class occasionally before you try to argue with me. England has a QUEEN. they are a monarchy. how can we be allies with a country that has no elected officials, that decides its rulers based on something as arbitrary as birth? the queen is obviously a mad tyrant with none of the common decency of the american people. Remember when england put John Lennon to death for coming to america and smoking marijuana? or when they forcefully took over scotland and re-enacted the rights of prima nocta? these are horrific crimes that cannot be ignored. when we are done with iraq, i say we bring democracy to england, those poor people have been subjected to fifedom for far too long..

don't worry my english brothers, your liberation is coming soon.

From: cgwinn | Posted: 9/25/2004 10:34:12 PM | Message Detail
i was going to just walk away and ignore this topic, but the last statement u just said was too good to pass up. england is not ruled by the monarchy, they are just a figure head. parliment and the prime minister are both elected officials who truly run the country. the queen does not truly have much if any executive power. how am i an insult to my country? tell me this. to answer your question I live in South Carolina. I come from a family that has long history of military service both on my mom and my dad's side. i personally am working towards being in law enforcement, my heart leads me to believe i can do more good protecting my community here at home more than i could in the military. pretending to be a patriot? u make this remark solely based on the fact that i apologized to the english by your rudeness to them. if i had jumped on here praising saddam ruled iraq, iran, north korea, soviet union when it existed, etc. i would deserve the flames. i merely stated my appreciation for one of our few true allies who have been there in our nation's time of need and vice versa. england has committed its share of crimes in the past, as has any nation. my comments were not condoning or criticizing the politics of its government, my comments were directed towards the people of england, the public. just as the average american does not want to be judged, hated, or criticized for every move the american gov't makes, be it right or wrong. now this may be all fun and games, i had no real animosity towards you at first, it was mostly for amusement, but this is the third time ihave been called a traitor by you, not that it matters honestly what you think but my own sense of patriotism and love of country burns too deep inside to let a remark like that towards me go unchallenged. anyone that knows me knows i am 100% american. to answer the question before its asked, why i haven't joined the military as much of my family has? i was going to, around 9-11 but i made a promise to 3 important people in my life that i would notand despite how much i wanted to i would not break that promise, the compromise being that i would pursue law enforcement instead. i've said my peace, make of it what you will
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most...
From: Isentaur | Posted: 9/26/2004 4:49:53 PM | Message Detail
you support the english even though they have maintained a well-documented and controversial history of experimentation with psycho-tropic drugs on their imperial knights in order to further facilitate the blood thirsty genocidal rage necessary to carry out their horrific crimes against the eskimo peoples native to north america. i for one will not idly stand by and nod my head and pretend that is okay. england must be stopped at all costs, and if you disagree, then im sorry, but for a 4th time i will have to call you a traitor. it is clear to me and everyone else that england's mad queen has gone too far for too long. we as a country sat silent when england destroyed atlantis, we turned a blind eye to their massacre of the dinosaurs, when will it stop? The line must be drawn somewhere, and i draw it here.



it has become clear to me that i have expanded well beyond my means and that a time of contraction is now nessessary.  Its funny because its almost like i can see everything thats going to happen in advance and yet i am caught like I'm playing out a part in a play and have no direct control over my own self.  Im not saying that i believe in destiny,  but its a strange sensation to actively walk into what you know will be a horrible situation.  I know i am speaking in generalities, but in a way, the specifics don't matter..  The lessons and nature of the situations that are at hand are what matters..

it was less than a month ago that i thought i was cruising.. it really truly felt like everything in my life was falling together and that i was clearly in control.  sometimes i look at myself and my life and wonder how things got to where they are, like i have no relation to my own existance, this body i inhabit is almost foreign and alien, like Eric's memories were transplanted into my mind and now i have to pick up things where he left off.   I feel like a complete outsider, like some wild animal that was given self-awareness and a human body, and suddenly i don't know how to act, my instincts are all off and nothing comes natural. Even my voice doesn't sound like my own.  I feel really bad who depend on me and trust me on a personal level because i really have no idea what im doing or why.  i have no plan, no goal, all teh days just melt into one long day and im tired and ready for a nap. 

i feel like i have no relation to the person a month ago who was happy and content with the way life was going, this person who had confidence and could handle this chaos he was getting himself into.  what the hell happened??

Seriously i drive around and i see CORN stalks almost 6 feet tall and im like wtf???
this is strange because:
a) I drive past the cornfield twice a day everyday.  I literally witnessed this corn grow on a daily basis and now its here and it was more like one day nothing, the next day CORN.
b) why is there corn? where the hell am i and why do i live in the middle of no where?

theres this old folk legend about a kid who is given a magic top.  when he spins the top time progresses and he is not consciously aware of it.  For example he would meet a girl and set up a date, he could spin the top and all of a sudden the date would come with no conscious serious of events leading to it.  Of course the kid used it, he wanted to grow up, so his childhood went by in a second, he wanted to be rich and he spun the top and the next thing he knew he was a rich businessman, but he didn't LIVE his life, it just spun by and he missed all the magic little moments that make life worth living and soon he was an old man and he was like "where did my life go?"

well that is how i feel, and i guess i've felt that way a long time.  Where did my life go? how did it get to where i am?  why do i feel like such a stranger?

i am clearly insane, but i doubt theres much i can do about it.  this entire post is frankly pointless. 

that is all.

Once upon a time, i was walking through the halls of the temple to oblivion in the 27th dimension when i had the sensation of being followed.  I stopped and tried to play it cool, but the tension in the air was palpable, whatever it was, it gave off a tangible aura of ominous dread.  I glanced around nervously, when out of the shadows behind me, something seeped into existance.  It slowly trickled from the shadows and took shape and form and before i had a chance to run or gather my wits, it had completed its manifestation.  The Every Thing had arrived.  I thought the Thing was just myth, a legend,  a complete fiction, but there it stood before me as real and true as anything (which isn't very real or true, but its real and true enough).  It's skin was the dull flat black of infinity,  giving the impression of shifting while staying the same.  Its eyes glimmered with a fiery light that i did not recognize, like liquid fire, but not quite.  I was petrified with a curiousity bordering on fear, but i stood my ground.  Running from a beast like the Every Thing was inviting it to attack.

It spoke:
"I am the hunter, the all, the revolution, and the spoke of the wheel of existance. I am the Every Thing, it is your time and i have come for you." its voice seemed not to come from it but from everything else BUT it.  the walls, the floor, even my body (and soul?) spoke these words while the Every Thing stood silent.

"who are you and why have you come for me?" i asked it.  It paced back and forth like a lion, staring at me with a piercing gaze as if trying to find the proper angle to attack.

"I am the Every Thing, and you must re-enter the cycle, you must be CONSUMED so you can be reborn." the Every Things spoke while contuining its pace in a dance like rythm, its talons clacking against the ivory white floor of the tower. 

"So CONSUME me then," i said, raising my arms into the air.  A creature like this was too righteous to be reasoned with, i realized.

It paused a moment, just a half second of hesitation before it leaped into the air and was upon me.  I moved to slip its strike but it seemed to envelop me like a blanket or net, what was once a beast of limited size had seemed to become limitless.  all around me was the Every Thing, and I fell down against the ground.  Its flesh was cold on my skin as it pressed into me and the blackness leaked like liquid underneith and soon there was no white floor at all.  All around me was the infinite black.  time seemed to no longer apply to me.  I could feel myself being melted away, being consumed.  My awareness of time and being faded, and my existance seemed to have consisted of  being devoured and digested for eternity and it was all i had and knew.   Then, i felt myself slipping away and I felt like i was nothing at all.  I was no longer aware of ever being anything. 

9 monthes later i was born.

and here i am.


its already been well established that im a coward (see 1.16.03 update) but apparently, im also a hypocrite.  for instance, i claim to believe in a kind of universal love for everything, an inherent belief that if you got to know everything and everyone, if you got to understand the nature of all things in the world, you would come to love it and cherish it, or at least understand and pity it.  In the heaven & hell scenario of existance i really don't believe anyone deserves to go to hell.  i think if god condemns someone to hell for eternity, then it is God who is wrong, and that no hell could exist if God is truly all knowing and all loving.  Forgiveness is a virtue!

Here is where the hypocracy comes in, i claim to at least try to follow this as a guiding principle, meanwhile i seem to hate things and superficially judge things w/ out giving it a chance.  for instance, i don't eat pork, i hate the idea of eating pork, it disgusts me, and i rail against eating it, citing as reasons to not eat it: the Koran, the Torah and the movie Pulp fiction.  meanwhile, i've never even eaten it! EVER!  Also i claim to want to eat human flesh.  i know that is horrible and really it is more of a joke than real because i think its funny to push the buttons of anyone with any kind of respect/belief at all, but then lo and behold, most people experienced in canabilism say it TASTES LIKE PORK.  so therefore, i now have decided human flesh would probably not taste good and i don't really know how to acquire it anyways, and besides, what kind of ghastly monster would eat a human in the first place? that is disgusting!!! whoever thought it'd be a good idea is INSANE.  thats my official opinion.  then there is the movie, the matrix.  i bad mouth that movie and its sequils but i've never watched any of them! i tried once but i couldn't stand it and so i've decided to rail against it.  in a way, i am acting out of ignorance and blind hatred!  that is wrong, therefore, my official opinion on "the matrix" is that i don't have an opinion and the movie review i put on my site is inaccurate. 

However, i stand 100% behind my review of the horse whisperer.  and shakespeare in love.

but to be serious, i am really a hypocrite in a bad way.  I claim to dislike ignorance and racism,  meanwhile i don't disaprove of racist jokes or language.  I guess i justify it in my head by saying "i don't HATE anything, the reason i think its okay is because I know how WRONG it is, i think im ABOVE it so its not offensive" but really i should be more careful because just because i am not offended doesn't mean other people won't either. it is the same way with vegetarianism, i think its wrong to torture animals to get us food, but i still eat meat.  that is hypocracy at its finestbut  for some reason it doesn't motivate me enough to take action.  It really makes me sad and i think someday i will get my act together but today is not that day.  my weakness disgusts me!

now aparently there are people in this world who think i am a racist because someone (not me) put a message with the "n" word on the messageboard.  first of all, i didn't write the message on the messageboard, and second of all, i have no control whatsoever over the messageboard so even if i wanted to delete it i couldn't! my powers of this website are limited!  but having said that, i will say however that i am not offended by anyone using that word.  i think it is ignorant and hurtful to some people and so i don't use it in my vocabulary, as i RESPECT  other peoples feelings.  but it doesn't offend me.  i think all it does is reveal the person who said its weakness as a person, and their extreme ignorance.  Don't say the "N" word unless you want to look like the ignorant redneck you are!  Race is a sensitive subject.  everyone wants to tip toe around all these race issues because it certainly seems that even talking about race will put you in a boat with the most hated groups on the planet (kkk/nazis/etc) however, i've decided to express a mini diatribe on my views of race, despite the fact that it will probably cause more harm than good:. 

I don't believe in souls, but i do believe in the power of the mind and that our existance is mostly in our own heads.  in the grand scheme of things, i almost view my body and my apperance as something entirely sepperate from my "self" i mean that my body is a tool of the mind and that is all, my body is not me although it is a part of me.  if i lost my body i would still be me.  in that sense i would say that all living things are just extensions of existance, and that if "I" as in the absolute me was put into the body of a cat, i wouldn't have the thoughts and feelings and passions that i have now, i would be a CAT.  i would live and exist as a cat.  What does any of this have to do with race?  Human beings and all living things, in my opinion, are just exactly what we are and nothing else.  nothing is better or worse than anything else and we all have to get along and exist and thrive together, so any animosity or petty squabling we have amongst ourselves are ultimately futile and really rather a shame. 

wow, the above is very nonsensical and incoherent, so allow me to add 1+1 and get 3...

bottom line:
I think its wrong to hate anything.   To hate something means that you can't understand or accept it for what it is.   What is the point in that?  And to hate someone for something as completly arbitrary and out of their control as race/gender/sexual preference is just idiotic.  Given the time, i think i could love everyone if i had the chance.   I sincerely hope there is a time in the future where we can look back as human beings and laugh at how ignorant, disgusting and cruel we as a race used to be.

meanwhile, im just a fool so i will continue to be an insensitive nihilist and attempt to push all boundaries and taboos until they tumble over and we can all be happily at the bottom together. undoubtedly my actions and comments are going to be open for interpretation, but i just hope someone somewhere will get the gist of who i am and the reasoning behind what im doing.

but then again, im a coward and a hypocrite, so who am i to say anything..

Rorac Senshi: Your wonderful question in your profile asks how many nihilists it takes to change a light bulb.

Auto response from Gaijinsenshi:
over THERE in bed

Rorac Senshi: Your answer was "zero".
Rorac Senshi: The reasoning you have behind your answer has nothing to do with the question. If you said, "zero, because they'd make someone else do it" then it would make sense.
Rorac Senshi: Or "zero because a non-nihilist would eventually go into the room and replace the lightbulb"
Rorac Senshi: then it would make more sense.
Rorac Senshi: But to say "zero" because they're sitting around jerking off and would rather not see each other doesn't have anything to do with how many it actually takes to change the lightbulb (assuming that a nihilist even knows how to change a lightbulb)
Rorac Senshi: Another factor would be, what kind of lightbulb?
Rorac Senshi: And what kind of nihilist?
Rorac Senshi: Is it a nihilist with no arms and legs? No eyes? No motor skills?
Rorac Senshi: Is it a streetlamp?
Rorac Senshi: If it's a streetlamp that needs to be changed, and the only available nihilists around are retarded and or missing limbs, then it could take as many as a few hundred thousand nihilists to change it.
Rorac Senshi: With a bit of luck.
Rorac Senshi: However, if it's a standard lightbulb in a desk lamp with a fairly intelligent human entity that chooses nihilist as a label to describe it, then it may only take that one single nihilist.
Rorac Senshi: Well, that is all.
Rorac Senshi: I'd like to thank you for having that in your profile.


so... george w is a complete idiot, kerry is a shriveled muppet and jesse ventura isn't running, therefore...
vote for me, you rotten son of a...
my national plan for reform:
end the "war on drugs" by having government made, regulated and taxed marijuana cigarettes available for adults.
make 18 the legal age for drinking, gambling, etc.  If you can vote and die in a war, you should be allowed to lose your money betting AGAINST the lakers
pull all soldiers from foreign soil, apologize to the millions of innocents we've hurt and killed by acting irresponsibility
50% income tax for every dollar over 1 million a person earns a year (what do they need all that bling for??)
eliminate income tax for those who earn less than 1 million, replace income tax with a 20% national sales tax
examine and elliminate all unneeded government jobs (IRS) and make what is left more efficient and streamlined.
up speed limits on freeways and highways to 90 miles per hour
disband corporation laws in favor of independantly owned businesses with emphasis on morality and fairness to workers over the bottomline
heavy import taxes for companies who continue to use foreign slave labor for goods (punks)
rehabilitation, counciling, community service instead of prison as punishment for none violent offenders
legalization and implentation of civil and marriage rights for all citizens
disband the FCC, end all forms of government imposed censorship in favor of self-imposed responsibility
change the "united states of america" to Adunailand
change the flag into something more fractally symetrical, possibly involving a turtle
declare myself emperor of Adunailand
end the eric dynasty by stepping down from my position

that is all.

oh wait, theres this:
click here

St Patrick's day is equivelent to Adunai Christmas, we believe a lepracaun was born on this day to drink a lot and get in bar fights for our sins.  We even have our own St Patrick's day carols.

Here's an example:

Lo-ud Night, drinking night
all are drunk, all will fight
round old lepracaun, crazy and wired
breaks a chair on the head of a child
drink a guiness ple-aaase
drink a guiness please

That is All.

Im serious this time.

From American Gods by Neil Gaiman

        Still, there was a tale he had once read, long ago, as a
      small boy: the story of a traveler who had slipped down a
      cliff, with man-eating tigers above him and a lethal fall
      below him, who managed to stop his fall halfway down
      the side of the cliff, holding on for dear life.  There was a
      clumb of strawberries beside him, and certain death above
      him and below.  What should he do? went the question.

        And the reply was, Eat the strawberries.

So you may or may not be aware of "Ninja Scroll" the series available in three volumes on DVD.  Many of you will see that and immediatly decide that sight unseen to put down 60+ dollars for the whole set.  This would be a mistake.  Learn from me, my brothers..

Ninja Scroll: the series is 12 episodes of new original Ninja Scroll storyline created by the original designer of Ninja Scroll the movie.  You would naturally assume that it would totally kick ass and be full of super wicked ninja action.  This assumption would be wrong.

Ninja Scroll the series is about as much "Ninja Scroll" as Ninja Ressurection was.  The animation is a major downgrade from the movie(obviously) but even the characters look different.  Jubei is not nearly as well drawn as he used to be, giving a distictly assholish appearance, and even in a non-superficial way, he has turned into an egotistical pretty boy who TOTALLY bought into his own hype.  Jubei basically turned into Squal.  The new characters in the movie are monster things that someone on crack made up.  Wtf? A pedal hellocopter umbrella with a sword on the end of it?  A fat chick with long sentient hair that works like tentacles? the list goes on and on.. its really stupid.  blah blah blah..

theres no point in writing this, you guys are gonna give it a chance anyways no matter how bad i say it is here.  This is like teaching absitinance in schools, totally futile.  So go to it and enjoy?  Just be smart and only buy one DVD not all three until you've had a chance to experience it for yourself. 

in even further breaking news, my great grandmother's birthday is today.. and in a remarkable yet fitting coincidence, so is Dr. Dre's.

3 monthes since the last update and i think thats all i got.  damn.  hm. 
fine fine, here's a little life update:
i work at a coffee shop and a bookstore, if you somehow find yourself lost in the middle of no where, look for the signs pointing towards lancaster and come visit.  I will make you free coffee if you mention the word "adunai".

paramount coffee
river valley mall
lancaster, Ohio

um, hmm.. yeah.

that is all.

in breaking news..

"Animals have been embossed along its length in brilliant colors. White butterflies, scarlet tanagers, blue tanagers, silver swallowtails, and the occassional flailing scorpion all grace this rather gaudy implement in minute detail."

mehakoi: only you would take the ugliest thing ever
mehakoi: and turn it into a theme
Gaijinsenshi: haha
Gaijinsenshi: you know
Gaijinsenshi: im almost ready to take this strap to the next level
Gaijinsenshi: and making it my theme in real life
mehakoi: you need to sleep
Gaijinsenshi: just think
Gaijinsenshi: its like
Gaijinsenshi: a beautiful tropical scene
Gaijinsenshi: with butterflies
Gaijinsenshi: and colorful tropical birds
Gaijinsenshi: and like
Gaijinsenshi: occasionally, theres a sinister looking flailing scorpion
Gaijinsenshi: ready to ruin the fun
mehakoi: haha
Gaijinsenshi: wtf
mehakoi: haha
Gaijinsenshi: who could come up with something like this
Gaijinsenshi: like
Gaijinsenshi: what kind of deranged lunatic creates this
Gaijinsenshi: it is beautiful
mehakoi: i think
mehakoi: there is a fine line where stupidity, madness, and genius intersect. And that strap is walking it, and its possable to think about it accurately from all those angles.

mehakoi: not to overanylize it
mehakoi: but
mehakoi: all grace this rather gaudy implement in minute detail.
mehakoi: is what makes it

this is one of those things that will seem a lot less interesting when i wake up tomorrow..

this will still be interesting though:

A horned frog is knocked over by the wind!
A horned frog grabs hold of the ground to keep from being sucked into the void!

Hm, monthly updates huh?

Anyways.  Last day of the new year.. how exciting?

So to end this year with a bang, i've decided to leave you with a quote that pretty much sums up the entire adunai year:

"wait wait, is this a metaphor or are you actually insinuating we kill one of them to send a message?" - my co-worker steve responding to something i said about management.

that is all.

If they were going to have a midgit be the Last Samurai, they should have made it Gary Coleman instead of Tom Cruise
Gary as a Samurai: BONZAI

Also, congradulations on your dissertation being accepted Aunt Jody.  I'm VERY proud of you!

PS. i beat small children:

Just kidding: faith002.jpg

There is NOTHING like cold speghettio's..
they are cold and they have the texture of worms.
they also taste like worms.

there is a sniper in ohio killing people on a 5 mile stretch of the 270 freeway.   A dozen people have been shot while driving.
but don't worry, thus far i have not been killed.

this won't make any sense...

Cassie asked me if talking about her period bothered me and i told her no.  She asked me if  I would buy her tampons, and i told her if it was an emergency or something i would, but not if she wanted to just arbitrarily torture me.  She thought it was sweet i would do it at all.  Now she is explaining what an "aplicator" is, so instead of paying attention I'm writing this update.  Lalalalala... if i just say "uh huh" i will never have to hear or understand this.  What i really need is an audio recording of me saying "uh huh" I could have like 4 phone lines and all the people who call me to tell me about their lives could call whenever they wanted and they would never know i wasn't actually there listening to them.  If this paragraph doesn't make any sense its because i've shut off my brain in an act of self preservation.

quick update: i just asked her if a deformed alien baby had ever come out of her, but she said no.

okay, im back...

I wrote a heart warming story in time for christmas.  Its a shakespeare tragedy, a story of a man and his undying love for an axe he used to kill people
you can read it here: Rorac's Stupid Axe

Dear Management,

I am sorry i was late to work today, i didn't have car trouble or oversleep.  i got up on time but when i went upstairs to the kitchen i decided to have eggs instead of cereal.  I made this decision knowing it would make me 10 minutes late for work, but i could not sacrifice my happiness for your timeclock.


the "battle of the sexes" isn't going well for us, men. 
who the hell allowed this "sweetest day" thing to happen?  another consumer driven holliday women use to get attention and gifts?

for those of you who haven't heard of sweetest day, its basically Valentines Day October.  I don't know if its in other parts of the country, but it is a holliday here.

if we continue to sit idle, women and greedy CEO's of  card companies will eventually declare every single day a holliday in which we have to buy flowers/cards/jewelry for chicks, then take them to see a horrifying movie (i.e. SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE)

I have seen the future, and it is pink and fluffy.

therefore, it is time we launch a counter offensive:
i declare the october 21st to be "bitch leave me alone day"

so the curse of the cubs goes on..  I knew they wouldn't make it to the world series, when you got a 95 year losing streak going, you can't just snap out of it like that, theres too much inertia and momentum going the other way.  at least they've slowed the descent downward into the sports bottomless pit...

what else?
i dunno..
maybe a small diatribe on death and suicide

When i die, i want to go one of two ways (well 3) this is the order:
1)Cryogenic freeze.  Im a nihilist, i want to live forever, cryogenic freezing in the hopes of reviving me later (as a cyborg???) gives me the best chance of that..

2)Jumping into a volcano.  If i die, i don't want to leave a corpse, i don't want anyone to look at my dead lifeless body.  That to me is wrong.  I don't want a body to rot in the ground, eventually eaten by worms and bacteria.  No thank you.  Plus you have to factor in being burried alive, or coming back as a zombie.  Right here and now i swear i will never be a zombie!  its just not gonna happen.  Cremation is an OKAY alternative, but no thanks to that either.  That means a family member or stranger has found my corpse, my bodies been put into a bag, then i've been thrown into an oven.  I AM NOT A PIZZA.  i don't want those things to happen, any of them.  I don't want a pile of ashes that are me .  I want nothingggg.....  Therefore, the solution is simple: Jump into a volcano.  No one will ever find my dead corpse, i will leave no remains, and most importantly, i will exit this world by my own volition.

This is important to me.  Dying of natural causes is like letting nature, disease, or God beat you.  If i die, i want to kill myself, in my mind its the only way to go.  I want to die by my own choice, not from some natural occurance, not from an accident, or anyone's will but my own.

baring those two things, i only have one option:

3) Blended into oblivion.  I once read that there is an art museum in europe with a blender and a goldfish that lives inside the blender.  The blender has a coin slot, and for a quarter (or probably some euro coin) you can turn on the blender, liquidating the goldfish.  If there is really such a thing as art, this is definetly it.  On a tangent i might wonder how many goldfish they go through a day, but i will not go on that tangent.  Instead, i will say that if i die, this is another way i would like to go.  I personally don't have whatever it takes to put a quarter in that machine to turn on the blender.  However, i wanted to see the effects, and my gold fish died of natural causes (or by its own choice!) so i put it in there.  There was nothing left of him, except some beautiful sparkling silver in the water.  Some people may think im desturbed for trying it, but it was already dead, and is flushing it down the toilet any worse? any disrespectful? a toilet is for waste, my goldfish was my friend and comrade, so i sent him out the way i would like to be sent out if my corpse is ever found.  it'd take a big blender, but hopefully by the time i die, i will be worth putting the time and effort into fulfilling my wishes.

in the likely event all of those things aren't feasable,   and my corpse is found in the conventional sense, and you all feel obligated to have a normal funeral for me, here is what i would like in my coffin:

hmmm, that sounds about right..

I just thought i'd make my wishes known, life is uncertain, and sometimes it can be fragile.  i guess its better safe than sorry.

that is all.

Life is

all my heroes are dead, they were just mortal men afterall..

i'll be dead too, someday, but not yet.

I feel good.  I worked from 9am to 10pm today, but i still feel good.  Im on the upswing and gaining momentum.

some minor points:
I was driving home today, and i realized why i don't like driving.  Well, the truth is, i DO like driving, i just like driving fast.  Speed limits ruin driving completly for me.  If i could go 90-100mph on these roads i would love it.  I had having to be careful not to speed too fast, and always having to pay attention for cops.  I am a good driver, i don't get in car accidents, i don't make a lot of mistakes.  I wouldn't drive too fast that i couldn't control my car.  I know what speed im capable of driving safetly.  It is not 55-65 on these damn country roads.  It is 80-90.  but here i am, going 65, feelin like a chump slow poke.  It is NOT FUN.  so, i enjoy driving, but only when i can drive fast (which is never)

I found out pancho villa had a deal with a movie director to film the war, which is basically the first reality tv show, kinda crazy.  anyways, i went to investigate this further and found some interesting things:

A number of years ago, a Mexican village had a controversy about
which skull belonged to Pancho Villa. There were two skulls, one
much larger than the other. After a vote, the town elders solemnly
decreed that both skulls belonged to Villa. One skull was Villa as a
teenager, and the other was Villa as an adult.

I also read this:

"You ask me eef I know Pancho Villa? I had lunch weeth heem thees afternoon."

I should write more, i know.  Im sorry.  I will try harder to finish my story ideas and get my act together.
By next Wensday, i give my word that i will have part 4 of a more perfect machine up, and one other story i've been meaning to write.

Johnny Cash died.

the last song, on his last album:

We'll meet again

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through, just like you always do,
'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

So will you please say hello to the folks that I know,
Tell them I won't be long.
They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go,
I was singing this song.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.

So will you please say hello to the folks that I know,
Tell them I won't be long.
They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go,
I was singing this song.

Keep smiling through, just like you always do,
'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

Johnny Cash was the first member of both the rock and roll and country music hall of fame.

While Johnny may have wiggled his way free of this mortal coil, he shall live on forever in our hearts.

I dedicate him as the first Adunai Immortal.

that is all.

"I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him...

...Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen."

from Jonathon Swift's A Modest Proposal


 Monkey Man Jim! a must read for all my friends.  if you'd like to make a donation, email me at  isen@adunai.net

do i have style?

you're god damn right i have style.
it may not be easily seen or identified but it doesn't mean its not there.  Just because i don't fit into a genre of pre-clasified styles doesn't mean i don't have a style all my own.  I have an indistiguishable style for the purpose of preventing anyone else from copying me.  I'm one of a kind.

What is this style? its hard to see, but my nature is shown in my eyes, and my movements.  My actions.  They way i handle myself.  It is masterfully wielded but unrefined, bluntly honest but remarkably subtle.  It comes on like a drug, and it unravels slowly.  My style is there, brothers, just because you cannot pidgeonhole it into a neat little box does not mean it doesn't exist.  It is even in my appearance,  revealed to the perceptive eye but closed off to those unwilling or uninterested.  I can be modest or arogant, but im always self assured.    I seek to blend in while setting myself apart.  My style is a contradiction, my style is who i am as a person.  Everything i do is an attempt to stay in tune with myself, an attempt to further refine who i am, and the style and self i present to the world.  If you think i don't have style, maybe you're not paying attention...

It is elusive, without appearing so.

and it will never be duplicated.


cause not livin' in a box hasn't worked out so far, here is my ambitious plan for the future

Im like a ninja master with the lightning fast moves..
ninjistics is all in the mind.

anyways, back to BASKETBALL

8179. Lebron's no-look passes...
by Zekesbrother, 7/17/03 18:35 ET
will improve his teammates' attention span. He bounced two off of Carlos Boozer's head during the Celtics game. The second one came right back to him for an easy lay-up.

8179.1. dude thats sweet
by Isen, 7/17/03 21:51 ET
Re: Lebron's no-look passes... by Zekesbrother, 7/17/03
dude thats sweet!! did carlos get an assist?!?

its like all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost, all is lost...
and in steps.......
. ......
.... ... .. .

if the second swordsman is comin, he better hurry


whats up now bitch, huh?  you act all tough when you got your thugs and im alone, but poncho rolls in and you're like "im out" whats up wit dat? you're just a punk ass busta.  word.


The bottomless pit conundrum

someone should inform me what would happen if there was a bottomless pit in the earth, and you went down to the middle, technically any way you'd go would be up from the center of gravity, so would you just float? or would momentum carry you down? or what? I MUST KNOW.  I have already theorized that it would go to the center until it found its center of equalibrium, and hten it'd just float.  this is also the theory most intelligent people say.  However, i want more than just theory, i want SOLID fact, i mean come on, someone must know the answer and be able to back it up with mathematics.

P.S. I know the earth is filled with magma that would come seeping out with misc other things if you made a hole through it, HOWEVER, i said bottomless, and magma clogging up my god damn hole would mean there was a BOTTOM, so nice try smart guy.  If you can't get over it, then how about if we went to the moon and had a hole there, it is the same principle.  Also another FLAW you punks point out is that i would likely die in the hole because of pressure, or something similar.  Again, this is a meaningless technicality, but if you can't get over that either (ie you're too focused on realism) then what if we dropped a bowling ball in?

Rorac and I were discussing it, and being lazy in a really scary way, where its not so much as an unwillingness to take action, its more of an unwillingness to take an action that seems boring, conventional, practical, or time consuming.  Rather than learn physics or go somewhere and ask someone who would know the answer, we thought maybe we could go to the moon and try it out (since earth is impractical because of the above reasons)

However, there were some problems with this idea.. first off, no countries fly TO the moon anymore, those bastards would rather kick it in skylab (a sequel to sealab??) than go to the moon.  why? i have no idea, it makes no sense to build a building in a sky, when there is already a solid objecting floating in space they could build on instead. What? you suckas don't like the moon?  ANYWAYS so we'd have to get rich, buy our way unto a russian shuttle like that n'sync dude, and then JUMP for the moon.  Hopefully momentum and the moons gravity, with a bit of luck will land us on the lunar surface.  Second problem: how do you dig a hole THROUGH the moon.  Given that those soviet bastards (i know communism is dead, shut up) won't let us bring some sort of massive digging device or explosives, we would have to do it with shovels.  However, given the lack of food, oxygen, etc on the moon, we likely wouldn't have time to dig the hole all the way through before we DIED.  This problem has a solution though, I figure enough crazy nihilists will try it, and eventually the hole will be dug.  With any luck, they will toss my corpse in first.  That would bring a tear to my long dead, but not rotten (do to the lack of air/decompositioning elements such as bacteria in space) eye.

So to summarize:
someone tell me what would happen if i jumped into a bottomless pit, so that i don't have to spend my hole life saving up money so i can jump off a rocket ship, land on the moon, and dig until i die.

Poncho arrived at Ninja Princess Nicole's house looking for me.  My heterosexual inanimate lifemate and sidekick is on his way to Ohio.  He was very sober from being in a box for almost a year so i told her to pour some tequila on him.  She didn't have any, she only had Capt Morgan Spice Rum.  Its not tequila, but it'll do.


everyone was on the lake to watch fireworks and then the wind started picking up to around 50 mph, and the waves were like 2 feet, and everyone was going as fast as they could to make it to the docks in time, and it started raining and lightning was flashing and im sure 3 or 400 people must have been killed, it was awesome.  Best 4th of july ever.


So tonight is the night Lebron will be sacrificed for our sins, standing amidst the spotlight and the watchful eyes of millions of people, the CHOSEN ONE will stand up as a new man, a new incarnation of might and hope, to bring salvation to Cleveland and Ohio basketball fans, to lead us through the long journey to the promised land. The great Lebron, King James, has finally come to forgive us for our mistakes and to make the path clear to us, so that all past injuries and hardships will be forgotten. But when will it end? when all is said and done, and we stand at the Garden of the Absolutes, staring into the GREAT  river of existance and see where we once drifted aimlessly without guidance, without propulsion, just floundering like a helpless ship without a sail, will we look back and be able to say "WE STOOD UP AND TOOK OUR PLACE AMONGST THE CHAMPIONS!" or will our place in valhalla be amongst the trajedies of LIFE and the UNIVERSE, unfulfilled, unempowered, our desires and potentials unsatisfied. Only THE GREAT KING JAMES knows the answer, for only he has the power to bring fruitation to his destiny.  But tonight my friends, tonight is the first step into an original tommorrow, into untreaded territory.  May the Adunai light our paths to salvation.

6.22.03 (next day edition)
heres a  economics lesson for you

the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life was right now i was very thirsty and my glass was empty, but i found another one sitting next to my speaker that was half full and i drank it and now i am a little better

the end

oh yeah, buzzy was dead when i got home, then my sister was a sadist and crushed the carcass for no reason.

oh yeah, then daphny went to jail for being stupid.  many of you don't think its a crime, but it is.

oh yeah, and then i AM NEVER GOING FISHING AGAIN, because its boring.

oh yeah, and sometimes i am so closed up in my own head that i can't see anything else around and my little eric trapped inside my head bangs against my skull and says, let me out let me out! but no one can hear him but me, and to me it just sounds like white noise like bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

oh yeah, and at the sweet corn festival in millersport ohio they have good corn for a buck fifty, which seems like a lot and it is, but i plan on eating like fifty pieces of it

oh yeah and this oh yeah thing is annoying.

so anyways, how are you guys doing?  yeah? thats great.

everyone is very lucky theres something wrong with me holding me back from exploding like a firecracker.  if im a firecracker (which i doubt) i think i might be a dud.

6.6....03, haha you thought i was gonna say 666..

i wish i had a webcam so i could leave BUZZYCAM up all week while im away at a beach house in cape hatteras getting eaten by sharks.

who is buzzy?
i was sitting here at my computer and a fly was flying around and annoying the hell out of me, so i shot my hand out, and, being a hindu spiritualist, gently collected him from the air, doing no harm.  WHAT TO DO WITH A FLY?  if i let him go, he'd annoy me, and im too lazy to get up and let him go outside, and im not gonna squish the little bastard, so the choice was obvious:

Buzzy was to become my new pet!

i took a glass from off my desk, put buzzy in and flipped it upside down.  I propped it up slightly so there could be air.  I put a piece of bread in there and some water, so he will be well nurished..
but will it be enough?
Will buzzy survive a week with his loving and adoring owner and master?
will he escape his cage?
will he starve?
do flies have short life spans? will he die of old age before i return?

all these questions will be answered and more on the next episode of.......


ps. i hate the matrix, and the matrix2 even though i haven't watched either of them.
pss luna is buzzys godmother

Everyone who knows me knows i *love* the matrix!  it's my favorite movie!! you can read my review  here !!! its so good and mind bending! it opened my mind in so many ways!!

so i decided to put a LOT of effort (weeks, monthes) into writing my own unofficial sequel to the BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!  this took a LOT of time and effort, i really poured my heart and soul into this project, so please, take a look! this is really serious!

so without further ado..
here it is..

 THE MATRIX: REQUIEM <-click there

i watched a nature show about african crocadiles.  They inhabit certain beaches along the rivers, and the larger ones live only on the yearly migration of wildebeasts.  A lot of animals bury their eggs on the crocadile beaches because the presense of the crocs mean that a lot of egg eating predators won't use their eggs for food.  This includes birds, lizards, and also turtles.  They showed a sequence when the turtle eggs hatched, and the tiny, helpless, innocent turtles  were running towards the safety of water, trying to avoid the many dangerous predators. One of the babies scuddled right in front of a crocadile...

The crocadile turned its head, opened its mouth and scooped the baby turtle into its mouth.  Its massive jaws closed around the tiny hatchling...

the crocadile then worked its way to the water and opened her mouth, gently helping the turtle reach the safetly of the river.

Charles Bukowski has a book called 'war all the time' and i think i understand what he means.

its like everywhere you look there is battle, and our side is losing.  We have all these horrible things goin on, war in iraq, injustice, lying politicians, lying media, everyone has their own agendas, everyone is trying their best to get away with something, to get a little more blood from us.  I can't make an opinion about this Iraqi war because i don't think theres a cut and dry case to be made either way.  When i saw iraqi's cheering and burning pictures of saddam as american tanks drove through the town, i figured, well, regardless of our motivations for the war, at least this is good.  At least these people would be more free to live better lives.  But now its like, they are talking of restoring islamic law in Iraq, which is very strict and limiting to women.  You just can't win.  And now what? Americans are firing at iraqi protestors? whats that about? I mean, the whole thing was just like jumping into the gaping mouth of a rabid wild animal, in an attempt to save it.  We'll be lucky if any good comes from this.

But i don't just mean war in the literal fashion.  War is everywhere, people dealing with poverty, businesses ripping people off, everyone trying to get more and more when they have enough as it is.  I spent an hour of my life this week trying to get 40 dollars back that was charged on my credit card without my permission.  I know this is some insignifigant, but it was annoying.  No one would help me, they were like "too bad", until i got angry and had to call the place.  I mean, im a reasonable person, why were these guys so upset that i wanted money back for something that they made a mistake on?  How can they just not care?  Money is more important then humans apparently.

So much more badness. I just want to escape, i just want a boat and a fishing pole and i never want to see civilization again.   Live the raw pure life.

The government is so screwed up, but its not surprising.  How can 300 million people find a way to get along and live together happily when you can't even get alone with your family and friends.  I mean, these people are supposed to love you, but theres so many problems, so much corruption and bullshit in our relationships with our loved ones.  I heard from my aunt that one of their friends murdered his best friend.  I mean these guys were probably like brothers,  they spent a lot of time together on the road buying and selling railroad stuff, but some dumb argument turned to MURDER.  I don't understand how you can look at someone you know and care about, and choose to kill them.  I can't even kill a bird, and i hate birds.

Its like my ex-girlfriend daphny.  We tried to work it out, but man, it just didn't happen.  There can be plenty of blame either way, but the part about it that destroys me is this sense of betrayal i get from her.  Shes been calling me and talking to me a lot lately (we broke up over a year ago) and i was very tenative about the whole thing, i mean i gave up everything for this girl and she turned her back on me.  But like an idiot, i got caught back into it.  She said how she loved me and wanted to work things out and be with me, and it kinda sounded like a good idea.  I was happy with her, even if the circumstances and things sucked.  She lied to me a lot, but people change, people can mature.  Well yesterday she told me how i was the only one for her, and how i should *trust her* and that she'd show me that she loved me.  Meanwhile I find out from my cousin that shes not into me, and she is into some other guy.  I should have guessed, in fact, i did, but its like, i wanted to believe her.    and now that this stuff has happened, how did i react? calm and mature? Like a thoughtful intelligent person? nope.  I got pissed off and left her a mean note calling her bad names.  Im human, im just as bad as everyone else. Now im not angry, i just feel heartbroken and betrayed because i thought with my heart instead of my head. I lost that war.

Its like you just scream for something to show you that there is hope, that maybe theres a chance the world will work out after all.  A small victory, somewhere, to show that we're not all doomed.  That we might be able to come out of this life leaving a better world then we came into it.  It just seems for every step forward its two steps backwards.  Everyone is angry, everyone is unsatisfied.  Professional athletes are making millions while there are people starving in the streets. Politicians lie to get power they have no reason to hold or use.  Its all just the same old lines, its all just rhetorical bullshit to trick people into thinking they are on our side.  Then we got the so-called "revolution" indy media, protestors, etc who are just as bad as the people they hate.  Fighting for causes that just don't make sense or are impossible (restitution for slavery) and using propaganda to rally people to their side.  The side of truth is a lonely side, because no one pays attention to it or believes it anyways.. too busy pushing their own agenda.  and even when they get what the want, are they really happy? is anyone satisfied?  Even if you have everything you want, how can you be happy seeing so much unhappiness everywhere else?

And what side am i on? slowly feeling like i have no choice but to take care of myself.  too bad.. im another lost one.

So whats  the solution? Escape like a rat on a sinking ship?  Or fight futilly against a system that is invincible?  Some people say things are better now than they were 100 years ago, and i hope they're right, but im not so sure.

Too much of everything wrong, and not enough rays of goodness shining through.  The only people that seem to be happy and doing alright are the ones with blinders on who do everything they can to meet their own needs regardless of the concequences.  people who are willing to exploit everyone and just lie through their their teeth for their own benefit.  people who just don't care that the world around them is collapsing, as long as they have theirs.

I can't even put to words my true thoughts, it all comes out jumbled and impotent like this, probably unreadable.  No impact.  Nothing..

just a hopeless arrow shot at the void.




I thought it was maya angelou (which would have been funnier) but its not, its DELLA REESE, from the great tv show "touched by an angel"


booby prize goes to maya angelou, who im sure has been an inspiration to you all:

temporay fish log:
4/16 6 fish, 3 blue gill, 3 croppies
4/17 skunked
4/18 i got the hattrick, a large mouth bass, a croppie and a blue gil
4/19 caught a blue gil which broke my line and ate my lucky lure
4/20 skunked again, do'h!
4/23 caught 6 crappies, 2 large mouth bass, and a... goldfish.  It was swimmin around and so i caught it with a net.  I put it in my fish tank where it met its demise as turtle food.
4/24 caught a crappie and a blue gil 8.75 inches long (.25 away from being a fish ohio fish.. aw)
4/27 skunked
4/28 skunked
4/30 caught a tiny crappie while i was doing all the cement work for my grandpas dock.  A HUGE bass broke my line, had to be 20 inches easy, so i lost another of the magic lures.  I put a new one on and the first cast i tossed go snagged on some rocks.  Not wanting to lose two in a row, i jumped in the lake and rescued it.  Nothin was really biting other than that.
5/1 2 crappies
5/3 2 crappies and a perch to mix it up
5/4 2 crappies.. argh
5/5 no beer or tequila, just 10 crappies
5/6 they were't biting, skunked
5/7 i didn't go fishin
i forgot to update, but since then i caught 4 large mouth bass and 2 crappies last sunday with a pole i madeout of a stick

This website has been many things.  Humorous, stupid, anti-government, pro-government, anti-gravity, a game show, corporate propaganda, nonsensical, and at one time it was even converted to a website all about amateur rocketeering at one time. (my attempts to reach orbit failed.)

But now, we're moving on to the next level.


In ohio, there is a program called "Fish Ohio" where if you catch a fish of at least a minimum required length, you get a 'Fish Ohio' pin.  If you catch 4 different fish that meet that criteria, you win what is called the "Master Angler's Pin".

I've always been a big fan of fishing *theoretically* what could be better then kickin it in some nice weather near a lake with some good people just taking it easy, and not caring if  you caught anything, just enjoying the company and the time to think and contemplate the meaning of the universe and of nature.   However, a dilemna was reached.  As much as that SOUNDS like it could be nice, not catching anything slowly grates away the relaxing mood of the trip.  Apparently I am not much of a fisherman, with a streak of not catching a single fish reaching back about two years.  Last week my dad even tried to GIVE me his pole when he already had a fish on it.  I had reached the bottom, some changes had to be done.

So i went to the man, my grandfather.  He lives ON the lake, and has probably fished everyday for the past 10 years.  He showed me his 'trick'.. using a GREEN PLASTIC LURE INSTEAD OF LIVE BAIT! and just moving it like it was alive.  I was skeptical at first.  I have been fishing 5 times in the last two weeks and not caught anything, why would fish bite a hunk of plastic?  Doesn't make any sense to me.

but it worked.

In what I swear couldn't have been more then 5 minutes, i had caught and released 5  fish of varying sizes and species.  Ah, suddenly the Master Angler pin seemed not quite so far out of my range of abilities.

completly random incoherent nonsense:

I hate people who say there's no gravity in space

there is gravity in space.

I hate gravity, but i hate those people more.

in fact, i hate all the forces.

i hate them because they cannot be destroyed,


I only like things that can die.



added shakespear in love and the matrix to the movie review page

that is all.


03???? what the hell?

oh well.. time for a lil bitty rant..

some people commend me for my courage or think im a brave fearless soul.  i embrace it, i mean, hell, its a cool reputation to have.  but some people see through the facade, and since the word will get out eventually, i better fess up now before i look like a wimp AND a poser.

i am a coward.  if i wasn't a coward, my car would would have skis instead of wheels (wheels are gay, you idiots drive around looking like fruitcakes with your god damn wheels, jesus christ, they are gay, and not in the homosexual way, i'm PC and sensitive to miniorities, im talking about gay in the really really really FUCKING GAY WAY) or better yet, i wouldn't even have a car, i'd have an airplane with pontoons, and i'd just land on water all the time.  Also, if i wasn't such a coward,  i wouldn't go to school, i would wander the countryside gambling, pillaging, helping people, saving lives, stealing, killing, being a hero, being a villian, and never getting caught.  That is the life, not sitting here kissing teacher's ass, reading EMERSON, and writing 900 MILLION PAGE ESSAYS ABOUT HIS BULLSHIT.  If i wasn't wandering the countryside (that would get old) i would be at home building a rocket so i could go to the moon and NEVER COME BACK.  because im not smart enough to devise a way home, i'd either have to wing it, or kick it there.  If i wasn't such a coward, man, i could really go places, but instead, here i am, living the slow life.

what have you learned from this?
I hate wheels, but like skis and pontoons.
I hate emerson
I don't hate homosexuals but im insensitive to their cause
im in college
im a coward
the moon would be an okay place for me to live

that is all.

a epic story, told multimedia style, just for you: click here

I have the flu
i wrote two new stories, you can see em on the story page

that is all.

Um, I found all 8 seasons of red dwarf on VCD (plays in both computer cdroms and most dvd players) for about 100 dollars with shipping.  I don't know if any of you are interested, but i was thinking we could buy them, put the iso's on Josh's HD and ftp, and burn copies for whoever else wanted them.  I figure the more people chipping in on them means less cost for all of us, and i know theres a lot of people that wouldn't mind having the entire series.  If you're interested, e-mail me or post on the message board.

well, Alan has brought something to my attention, its called Bayes theorem.  Its explained like this:

In this problem, Monty shows the contestant three doors. Behind one door is a fabulous prize (a shiny red Italian sportscar), and behind the other two doors are
goats. The contestant picks a door. Monty then reveals one of the goats behind one of the two remaining doors, and gives the contestant a chance to switch to the
other (nonchosen) door.

Should the contestant switch, or stick with his original choice?

The contestant should switch. If he sticks with his original choice, it doesn't matter that Monty has revealed a goat, and the probability that he has chosen the car is

However, Monty is not picking doors to open at random. Monty only shows the contestant where a goat is. If the contestant switches after seeing the goat, he raises
his chances of winning to 2/3.

Huh? Look at it this way. If you pick a door, the probability that you picked the right one is 1/3, and there is a 2/3 probability that the car is behind one of the doors
that you didn't pick. Monty shows you the goat behind one of the two remaining doors. So, if (with 2/3 probability) you didn't choose the car, you will get it (with
probability 1) if you switch. Therefore, the probability of winning if you switch is 2/3, the probability that you didn't pick the car on your first choice.

Still confused? Well, suppose there were 100 doors: one car and 99 goats. The contestant picks one of the 100 doors, and then Monty opens 98 of the remaining
doors to show 98 goats. Now, should the contestant stick with his original choice or pick the one remaining door that Monty didn't open? He should switch, of
course! If he switches, he raises his probability of winning to 99/100.

for a test you can check for yourself go to:http://cartalk.cars.com/Tools/monty.pl

anyways, after much deliberation, David has deciphered it logically.  the question is..can you?


Explain the situation above in clear concise logical steps and you will win a FREE ADUNAI T-SHIRT!
thats right.. now you don't have to walk around naked anymore.

(not this one, a new one that isn't mine)

send explanations to  isen@adunai.net and the first winner will get a shirt.

you bastards with no faith in me should know i got an A on the math test, im offended you had to ask.

so i got my test back...

quick synopsis of the situation:
an overconfident college student goes to his math class to take a test.  he hasn't studied, he has hardly payed attention in class, he hasn't done even a page of homework.  He arrives without the required scientific calculator or the recommended graphic calculator.  He doesn't even know what the test is about, but he is so sure of himself he has the gall to nurse a cough a mere hour before entering the test. why? no reason.. he is an arrogant fool.  Think of all the myths that teach us against this, think of all the lessons we've learned!  The only question seemingly is, what will lady justice do to him to balance the scales?  will the ants show pity on the grasshopper and share their feast with him despite his laziness? what kind of defeat could the hare expect at the hands of fate?  how will GOD punish him for being so unjustly arrogant, so sinful with his pride?

 find out by clicking here.

Sleeping forever without dreaming.

i woke up, realizing some how in the middle of the night i must have subconsciecly sabotaged my alarm clock so i wouldn't wake up in time for class.  No problem, right? just psych.. he doesn't even take roll call.  I can get the notes from one of the 2 other people in my class.  Disaster averted.. So i get up at 9:10, and drive to class, arrive there at 10:00 (odd, since it normally takes me 35 minutes with heavy traffic, and there was none) to find out class was already over, he let everyone out an hour early.  The problem with this is that class usually lasts until 11:30, giving me an hour and a half break before math at 1:00.  now it was 10:00 o'clock, 3 hours from Math, and no salvation in sight.  I could drive home, but its a long drive, gas is expensive, and what would i do at my house that i couldn't do in my car? Instead i could choose to succumb to addictions of yore and kick it New Lexington style.  I drive to McDonalds, and for the first time in my entire life i get there before 11:00 so i get BREAKFAST.  I order an egg mcmuffin with no meat and 2 hash browns, and park under the trees behind the building.   I eat breakfast.  I listen to the radio.  I play Castlevania:Harmony of Dissonance on my gameboy.  I look at the clock, 10:30.  *sigh*

You don't understand New Lexington, or Ohio in general.  It is a wide expanse of nothingness, dotted here and there with towns filled with things i am not interested in.  There are a few stores in town, Subway, a gas station, a grocery store, and a large local version of K-mart.  I walk into the  place and look around. Scanning through the aisles I felt like a thief, i wasn't there to steal, but it was like i was trying to pry excitement from the hands of someone who didn't want to give it to me.  I left.

I was thirsty so i got my in car and looked for change.  50 cents.  In california, this would buy me nothing, however, i am in OHIO. in the distance I see a row of soda machines for 50 cents a piece.  I walk over there to check out my options.

I am a Pepsi man.  proofproofproofproof

However, there is some bad wiring in my brain that causes my mind to revolts against everything, even itself.  Coke or Pepsi, Coke or Pepsi, Coke or Pepsi.  those were really the only two options.  I looked at the machines, then breathed a sigh of relief.  On the coke machine was a sign "out of order".  The Islamics believe the best way to resist temptation is to avoid it.  Im not going to say anything for sure, but maybe, just MAYBE, that sign was a figment of my imagination, my subconscience pulling rank to ensure i do the right thing.  I pay for my soda and drink it.  I get in my car and drive to class.

The Math Test
I haven't paid attention to class, i haven't done homework.  I am above this class, i am its master.  i didn't even bring a graphic calculator, i brought a solar one my dad got from the bank.  I didn't even bring a pencil.  er... I needed one, but luckily someone had lost one once and it made its way into my hands.  While waiting for the test i wrote  a rant about the tortoise and the hare

The test came, i took it.  In retrospect, i should have payed attention at least enough to know what the test was going to be about.  I winged it, and i believe i did alright.  but we'll see.

sorry..i know this update sucks..

heres one more thing for you:  HURRY WE ONLY HAVE 3700 YEARS TO LIVE

I am in OHIO.  I have my pc so i can start updating again.  I am going to Hocking college in New Lexington.. i live in millersport..

"wanting something without loving it is greed. wanting to control something is just seeking power.. but what does power get you but the loss of self. Only by surrendering
all power, all personal strengths, only when you lay yourself completly bare and defenseless can you know your true desires. But do you really want to know them?
When you truly love something, only a few things can happen: you will destroy it, or it will destroy you." -figarus

hey, how the hell did we get HERE of all places?

i can't be presumptuous enough to say i completely understand the nature of adunai, i just know that in everything i do, i seek to understand it better.
i've always believed it is against power.  power is just the ability to control others, force them to surrender to you, its the raw form of corruption, it creates greed, discontent, manipulation. by destroying power, it enables raw individualism, without fear of the status quo, without fear of opression.  but how do you undermine power?  its nature is to defeat all that stands in its way, regardless of concequences.

with the existance of power, true freedom can never be attained.

hello, this is the captain speaking, we're now making our final approach to the Mexican International Airport, while you're here, you should enjoy the great scuba diving and desperadoing, i hope you enjoyed your trip and we will be landing shortly.
*presses the ejection seat button*

I hate how what is true and good can always get overwhelmed and destroyed. I wish what is true and right had a weapon that could cut through corruption.
Mehakoi: "but if you cut a gash in it, it just fills up and is whole again.. it isn't even phased"
Isen: "then i wish i could make a big adunai chi ball and blow the whole damn thing away"

truth and lies are of no concequence
neither is right or wrong
there are only two options:
fight forever alone or surrender completly and be saved*

*by saved, i mean assimilated into a happy content zombie who does the will of the overmind

woo that was a quick 5 monthes :)

 part 3 - a more perfect machine